Sabatage? Not this time!

Okay… so something has been bugging me for a long time. It’s time to come clean and get this off my chest. Here is where my frustration begins. This time last year I was 3 lbs. away from my tattoo weight. How do I know this? Well I remember being at a Halloween party and to avoid indulging on too much temptation I literally wrote the number 3 on my wrist to make me stop and ask myself “is it worth it” before I made a poor food choice. Of course it didn’t stop me from completely…but I think it helped. Anyways. Fast forward to today. I am… you guessed it 3 lbs. away from my tattoo weight. Frustrated? YUP… just a little.

Here is what tends to happen to me when I come to points in my journey like this. I quit. I get frustrated. I figure why bother? I tend to fall into a trap where I sabotage myself and start falling back into old habits and stop caring. WHY?!?! This is what I have been pondering/ obsessing about recently. I recently recalled an experience at work when my supervisor told me that I was scared of success… I thought that was the craziest thing I ever heard. He said I just do enough to get by…but don’t challenge myself above and beyond. I never thought about that. Wondering if it’s the same with this weight loss journey I am on. I don’t know why I would be scared to succeed at something I have worked so hard to get to…. and something I want soooo bad. I guess it is possible that I am scared that once I hit the tattoo weight I won’t have anything to strive for. I suppose it could be that I am scared that I would have the tendency to slack off and undo all the years of hard work that I put in to become the butterfly I am meant to be…. However… I have learned so many things the past years about who I am and I know me better that than. Certainly I have days/weeks…okay sometimes months…where my head isn’t in the game. I am not perfect. I complain/ make excuses about going to the gym. I make poor food choices. I emotionally eat sometimes. But I like the new me WAY better than the old me. I like the things my new body can do. I like way my clothes fit. So I shouldn’t be worried about those things. I got this. The goal weight isn’t the end. It is just a marker of things to come. The butterfly part of the journey. No more caterpillar.

I know for a lot of people they may say “it’s only 3 lbs” it should not be that hard. I wish that were true. For me it has been. I know I don’t have a perfect diet. I know I could workout out harder/ smarter. Here is what else I know. I am an entire pants size smaller than I was one year ago. All my running and weight training has transformed my body…and the scale just doesn’t recognize it like I would like it to sometimes. I can run faster than I used to. I can do more at the gym than I used to. It is just hard sometimes to recognize these things. I say these things as a reminder to me…as well to encourage you to do the same. The scale isn’t the end all and be all form of measuring success.

So here are a few things I have decided. 1. I got this. 2. quitting is not an option. 3. going to stop making excuses and suck it up. 4. going to focus on enjoying the journey.

I will continue to blog about my progress. Sorry if I rambled a bit….it’s kinda what I do. Thanks for reading this. Make it a great week…and “make good choices”


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