What are you running from?!?!

I get asked a lot “why do you run?” And the answer is… There are a lot of reasons. And I know I have talked about some of them before. I hear it all the time “if you see me running you better run too because something is chasing me.” Truth is I see a lot of things chasing me. It might not be a Bear or a tiger or a bird (wait,.. That actually did happen… Birds will attact… But don’t worry it just makes you run faster) I am running from the fat girl I once was. Running from low self esteem. Running from bigger pants sizes.

Today while hitting the treadmill in Roanoke I had another thought. I am not not only running from something… I am running towards something. I am running towards the girl I want to be. I am running to a life that is full of health and wellness. Running towards higher self esteem. Running to find the fit girl in me. I am running towards proving myself and other people that thought I couldn’t do it…. Wrong.

Today something marvelous happened. I made the treadmill go faster than I’ve ever had it go before. Side note: I dislike the treadmill but I did it this morning with a smile even. Yup. I chose joy! Anyways. I remember the day I could t even do a 4.0 on the TM. Today I did 5+ minutes at 8.5. That’s not a typo people. It’s true. And it felt great. Not gonna lie! It’s all about making little tweaks in life.

Happy Monday. Make it a great week!

What’s your excuse??!?!

So lately I’ve kinda been full of excuses. Excuses of why I can’t eat healthy or can’t work out. Of course I am fully capable or doing both… It’s just hard. Stress, changes and challenges are making it more difficult. Bottom line is I tend to turn into a whiney baby and don’t wanna. Don’t wanna work out and don’t wanna eat right. I like easy… But easy doesn’t really pay off now does it?!?! I think I covered that I’m my last blog. So why do I have to cover it again?!? Well cuz tonight I had an encounter at the gym that inspired me and needed to share it.

Sometimes the right person crosses your path at the right time. There is this gentleman I see at the gym quite frenquently. I will call him Jeff. His name isn’t Jeff…. But we never knew his name so we started calling him Jeff. Even though I learned his name at some point….he is still Jeff to me. Anyways… I haven’t seen him for a couple of months. Tonight he was at the gym. He always smiles and waves and says hi. Not usually a conversation to be had beyond him telling me I’m looking good and me saying thank you 😉 He is a super friendly guy. Anyways… I have noticed over the past year or so he seems to be having a harder time getting around. He is walking with a cane and doing way less than he used to. Come to find out tonight he has not been able to move his body for months and has not been at the gym for 2 months, he is dealing with Parkinson’s and dealing with bursitis and he is 66 years old. Says he can barely get up the stairs. When I asked him how he got to the second story of the gym, his response was “one step at a time.” This was super inspiring to me. Healthy living really is a “one step at a time” journey. He will never know that I’m sure… But him pushing through a workout, doing what he could was inspiration to me. He can not do what he once did. But him being there doing something was impressive!!! He did more than I wanted to do. I did manage to suck it up and Do my thing. How could I not after that! I know he wanted to do more… He told me that himself, but he physically couldn’t. Made me step back and realize that I have NOTHING to complain about. Seriously Ton… Suck it up. So next time I wanna play the “i don’t wanna” “I’m stressed” “I’m trapped in the couch” “I just wanna get fat” card… I hope I stop and think about Jeff. If he can get off the couch with actual reasons to stay there…, I can surely get my butt in gear. Dontcha think?!?! Think this photo I found on Pintrest sums it up the best.


I don’t know what your excuses are… But I’m sure you can do something. Another quote I see on Pintrest a lot is…. “Do something today your future self will than you for” I don’t know who said that… But I think it a lot. Maybe it’s walking to the end of the driveway. Maybe it’s putting down the Little Debbie and picking up an apple. Little itty bitty teensy changes make lasting impact. Trust me on this one. We got this! Let’s dump the excuses and make headway in 20-FIT-teen. K?!?!?!

Change is good…. Right?!?!

To say my life has been turned upside down recently would be an…. Understatement! Had you told me a six months ago my life would be what it today I would have laughed at you. You’re just gonna have to trust me on this one… And I’ll say it’s not bad… Just different. WAY different. I’m gonna be real honest I haven’t totally been handling the changes all that well. I wish I could say I’m facing them head on with a super “can do” attitude and have been all rainbows and sunshine about it… But I haven’t. But I’m learning something and I think it’s causing me to grow. I think… So… As I do I write a blog about it for me to get things off my chest and be able to remind me down the road.

So… As I am facing these new challenges and trying to figure out how to deal I came to some interesting parallels. Just like most things in my life I start to relate them to my healthy living journey. Why? I dunno know… But it helps me. My transformation… Or *butterflyification* if you will… Can be summed up in a few key words.


I didn’t lose weight over night. This whole “new job” isn’t going to click overnight. It’s a gradual process. Small chances. Plus if I never would have changed what I ate… Or never got off the couch I would be the same weight it was (or even more scary…MORE). I had to try some different things. I had to move out of my comfort zone.

Patience. Grrrrr. Something I don’t like. Really at all. I want results and I want them now! Want me to tell you a secret… It doesn’t work like that. At. All! You have to be patient. In life. In work. In weight loss. But that doesn’t mean you don’t keep working at it… which leads me to…

Let me just say this. Don’t quit. Ever. I don’t care what the struggle is. Stay in the good fight always. This is where I get to talk about running. If you would have told me when I starting running and could barely make it through week 1 of the couch to 5k running program that I would come in 4th… Yes 4th place at the 5k I ran this past weekend I woulda said you were on crack. For real! I never.. Ever set out to be a runner… And Now…well I’m headed for 672 miles ran in 2015 alone. Hmmmm. Can we Preserverance?!?!?!

And then there is practice. Another grrr. Making healthy choices and choices the gym over the bedside a struggle. Saying no to sweets and all kinds of other crap food I like… comes with practice. I still treat myself… And sometimes too much. But still. This whole new job thing is requiring a lot of practice. I still screw up. A lot. And I struggle with wanting to be perfect. And I think that’s the biggest hurdle in the ” new job”. I want to be good now.

Practice and patience is hard. I like easy. But nothing easy is worth it. Losing nearly 81 lbs was not easy. Maintaining = also not easy! Running= not easy! Worth it?!?! Absolutely!!!! I am putting my all into doing the best in this new job I have found myself in. I’m investing in me in hopes that it pays off in the long run. I am attempting to believe in myself…. When I know how much I am capable of screwing up. I am in it with an open mind and willingness to try new things and go out of my comfort zone. Why have faith in me?!? Cuz I’ve proven I can do hard things. And it has been worth it in the past. I’ve learned and grown through my weight loss journey and I don’t know why this would be different. It’s gonna be hard. But it’s possible! I’m believing in that 100%. I got this! Sometimes you have to step back and out things into perspective. This crazy time will pass and be the norm in no time. Just like one day/week or month of bad choices doesn’t derail a healthy living journey… A job change doesn’t derail who I am. Attempting to stay positive and remember who I am. I don’t know if any of that made any sense to anyone but me. But thanks for reading if you did. Now go out there and be awesome. You got this! No matter what it is that you’re facing. Let it help you flourish…. And stay positive. Attitude is key. But sometimes I forget! Okay. I’ll stop now… Wrote this all in the stationary bike and my legs are getting tired 😉

Running changed my life.

Okay… So of you know me this next sentence is going to be a “duh Tonya” sentence, but it needs to be said: I am a runner. I used to say I am “kind of a runner” but when you run 100 miles in January 2015 you have to drop the *kind of.* I get into a lot of conversations about running. Why? Cuz it’s my passion and I will talk your ear off about it if you let me. I didn’t also have a desire to run. It was more like a hatred actually. I am pretty sure I once tried to convince a gym teacher that I couldn’t run cuz my legs died and gone to heaven. (Sixth grade, mr. rentz) anyways…

Things have changed. And running has changed my life. It has made me more confident in a lot of areas of my life. It has made me fall in love… With me. Running gives me time to think and ponder about the meaning of life.
I’ve seen parts of this city and other cities that I would have never seen without running. It challenges me. Through running I have also discovered that I am a bit competitive and this is a great outlet for that (even if my competition is usually myself.) I have more running clothes than regular clothes. I have done more 5ks than I can count. Also done a few 10ks and a few other ran runs. I’ve been called crazy more times then I can count… Ps crazy is my favorite compliment cuz I think I’m crazy too.

Well here is what happened tonight. It was a beautiful March day In Minnesota so I took the opportunity to run outside! After running in circles pretty much all winter at the gym (I don’t wanna know how many laps I’ve done on that track!) it felt amazing to run outside. The goal today was to run 5 miles (my favorite distance). As I started out I felt like I was kinda cruising along so I checked my pace. Uh it was showing me between a 7 and 7 1/2 minute mile. Wait what?!?! Back up.., my normal pace is about a 9:30 minute mile. So my goal quickly shifted to “I wonder how fast I can run a 5k…. Well… All I can say I wish someone was on the beaver island trail to snap a picture when I pushed stop on my Nike plus app…



I was so shocked that I had to snap a photo… There is no way I just did that. The feeling I had was indescribable. I was so freaking proud of that time. The time I a putting in at the gym is really paying off. When I was first conned into training for a 5k (yes I was kicking and screaming) I would have never pictured me A) doing it and B) enjoying it and C) having it change my life.

My encouragement to you would be… Try something you thought you hated or something that kinda pushes you outside of your comfort zone… You might find it changes your life. You might surprise yourself. You might just inspire someone. It doesn’t have to be running. Make it yours. Find something your passionate about and do it. Be you. Be proud of things you thought you would never be able to do! You get one life…. run with it (okay… I had to be a little Punny)

Oh and just so you know I kinda had to get back home… So I figured i should do another 5k. Second one not as fast (actually felt like a nice easy pace… Still was way faster than I EVER thought I would be able to do).


I could keep going on… And if you ever wanna talk about running.. I’m your girl! But I will stop for now…. And to those of you that know me… I probably won’t shut up about this particular run for quite sometime. Consider yourself warned. 😉

Failure isn’t falling down It’s remaining where you’ve fallen.

This week I fell. In more ways than one. Here is a picture of the results of my literal fall is week:


Was running the track at the gym and I fell. Just a little rug burn is all. But it hurt my ego. Of course I was not alone up there and was more than a little embarrassed. Long story short.. I got up and kept moving forward. Ended up walking and talking with the girl who witnessed the fall for about a half hour. For the next few days I started thinking about falling. It’s a part of life. It happens. Things do not always turn out the way we think they should. Choices are made, circumstances happen and we fall. Bottom line. This week I fell pretty hard in a not so literal way as well. I chose to let the circumstances of the week and the stress, fear, anxiety, excitement and all sorts of other emotions that I went through dictate my food choices. I will not list all of the not so stellar choices that I made this week… Let’s just say… I fell. I let myself down. I know better. I am NOT looking forward to weighing in this week. At one point this week I was mentally in a place where I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care about making healthy choices, I didn’t care about whether or not I worked out. I just didn’t care. Then I got in a conversation with someone about running. Ended with a comment from her about me being an inspiration and her telling me that she weighs what I used to weigh at my heaviest. Talk about a wake up moment. Her telling me that was more of an inspiration than I probably was to her. I have come to far and worked to hard to not get back up.

As some of you know I have had a plan to get a butterfly tattoo when I hit my ultimate weight goal…. Well I hit that and wrote a blog about that… But have since.. Uh.. Well…. fell 😉 so.. I have a little ways to go to get back there. However I was needed some sort of reminder that I got this… So I got a tattoo yesterday.

A reminder to believe in myself.
To believe in the process.
To believe in God and his plan.
To believe that everything happens for a reason.
To believe that it all works out in the end.
To believe in love.
To believe in the good in people.

This is just a crazy period in my life and I need this reminder as an anchor.

One more thing that hit me about this whole falling thing this week actually is right in line with the weight watchers topic this week “who’s got your back”. Got me thinking… Who is there to help me up when I fall? The answer? A boat load of people! I am so lucky and wanna give a shout out to my peeps! Couldn’t get back up without ya! Bottom line here: we all fall down. In weight loss. And in life.

Don’t let it be the end of the journey. And because I am all about the butterflies… A butterfly can’t go back to being a caterpillar. Quitting (staying down) is not an option. Let’s stand back up and keep moving forward. I didn’t fail… I just fell.