Okay… So this week/ month has been a WEE bit crazy. I’ll spare you the details because it doesn’t matter. But today I went out for a run. I decided to run until I wasn’t “crabby” anymore. I don’t know if crabby really is even the word. Just feeling off. Everyone and everything has just been rubbing me the wrong way (even myself) and no one can say or do anything that sits right. I don’t know why. But is was really starting to get to me. My whole “choose Joy” thing was way more difficult than it should have been. SO.. I do what I do and I ran. Here are the stats of that run…
I needed this run more than I even knew. And of course I got to thinking. That’s what happens when I run. I started thinking about breathing. Cuz, well it gets really hard to breathe sometimes when you are running. You know what else? Sometimes it gets hard to breathe in Life. I think that is what was happening. I was starting to feel a lot of pressure and a lot of anxiety. So many things happen that you can’t control. So many things in your brain that you can’t process and you can’t express and start to feel the pressure of life. In my line of work I deal with people daily, who the pressure of life got to be too much. Something happened and their world came crashing down and they crumbed. Really life boils down to how you handle the pressure. Not only that but it’s a matter of perspective. How are you seeing this situation and what CAN you control!?! A wise person told me that life is really made up of 85% things you can’t control and 15% of things you can. Focus on the 15%. Sometimes that’s REALLY hard for me. It’s way easy for me to focus and dwell on the 85. What I need to do is control what I CAN control. The 15%.
So, what I did in the middle of my run was sat on a bench, turned off my music and took some deep breaths. I let everything that was bothering me, go. I Let everything that I couldn’t control, go. I thought about just how lucky I am for everything good in my life. I told my self to not be so freaking hard on myself (yes, it’s a conversation I have with myself a lot)… and I reminded myself that everything will be okay. And that even the stuff that I can NOT control, God can. He’s got this!! I sat there for what seemed like a long time, It probably wasn’t that long because I really wanted to be running, and just breathed. Here was were I was sitting. So peaceful, so relaxing.
I think sometimes we just get so caught up in the busyness of life that it’s hard to just breathe in and breathe out. And then we get to a point where we are feeling suffocated and don’t know why. Maybe it’s because we aren’t breathing. So I encourage you to JUST BREATHE.
After my moment at the fountain, I continued my run. I had like 2 more miles until I got home. I spend some of that time thinking about the pressure of life. I don’t really know how to explain it but there is just this pressure. Being an adult is hard sometimes.. that’s all I can say. However, here it was came to be about pressure. I stole these things from Pintrest because I certainly couldn’t have said it better:
There is a song that I absolutely love by Hawk Nelson called Diamonds. The message is simply that God is making Diamonds out of us… but we don’t get to be diamonds without the pressure associated with it.
So, today I decided to embrace the pressure. Change my perspective and view it as a refining process. Continue to remind myself to not be so freaking hard on myself. And on top of it all I need to quit taking the “Funk” I’m in out on my poor boyfriend. I’m so lucky that he “gets” some of this and is super forgiving. However, he certainly does NOT deserve to take the brunt of my crankiness. Maybe one day I’ll learn how to communicate what I’m thinking and feeling….but until then… I run! Okay, who am I kidding… Even if by some miracle I ever figured it out (and I’d probably be rich if I did) I would still run!
Shine bright like a diamond.