100 thing’s I am thankful for

so.. it’s that time of year again. The time of year where I sit back and think about the things that I am thankful for. I really should be better about doing this all year… but i’m just not. However MANY years ago a friend did this and recommended others do it too. I did and I love it so here it goes for 2018 As ALWAYS these things are in no particular order and there are a BAJILLION things that I will miss. But here is a list of 100 things I am thankful for… Enjoy and happy Thanksgiving. 

  1. Cupcakes
  2. Sunsets
  3. My new house
  4. My mukluks (new slippers that keep my feet toasty and warm)
  5. Toast
  6. Running.
  7. My family. EVERY. CRAZY. one of them. Ps. If I named them all I wouldn’t be able to be thankful for anything else because there my family is just so big. 
  8. Photographs 
  9. the ocean
  10. my cellphone
  11. Colby Jack (not the cheese…the cat) better known as Fat Cat
  12. music
  13. Netflix
  14. the treadmill (I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THAT ONE)
  15. HGTV
  16. comfy pants
  17. my wonderful, loving, patient, caring Boyfriend
  18. sunglasses
  19. contact. I love my contacts (just because I can’t stand glasses)
  20. my work family. 
  21. Snowplows
  22. Memories
  23. chapstick
  24. street signs
  25. childhood friends
  26. high school. 
  27. painful lessons
  28. my sparkly diamond earings 
  29. Holidays
  30. schedules
  31. WW (formerly Weight Watchers)
  32. DVR 
  33. Social media
  34. Books
  35. The Kids who come to the Church Nursery
  36. friends
  37. electricity
  38. spontaneity
  39. ADVENTURE
  40. Waterfalls 
  41. Disney movies
  42. Baseball Hats
  43. Text messages
  44. my fitbit
  45. my winter jacket
  46. Hot cocoa
  47. The Girls I used to babysit. (and their parents too!)
  48. airplanes
  49. paint
  50. windows
  51. money
  52. my cell phone
  53. blankets
  54. Pintrest
  55. my garage door opener. 
  56. Tacos
  57. water 
  58. bridges
  59. coloring books 
  60. medication
  61. my health
  62. the pastors at my church
  63. the Green Bay Packers
  64. Movies
  65. my 5 senses
  66. lotion
  67. the couch of awesome
  68. the internet 
  69. my job. Where else can you work that changes peoples lives?!? okay. there are a few places. but my job is pretty freakin’ sweet most days 🙂
  70. the English language
  71. Ice cream
  72. people who can organize things
  73. Sentsy
  74. youTube
  75. my winter jacket
  76. google
  77. my credit card reward points
  78. health insurance
  79. heat in my house
  80. PILLOWS
  81. my car
  82. socks
  83. rollerblades
  84. vacations
  85. pizza
  86. people make me want to be a better person
  87. the fan in my bedroom
  88. window treatments
  89. the fact that I don’t have to cut grass or rake leaves or shovel snow
  90. Target. the store, not like a shooting at kind of target… just to clarify
  91. podcasts
  92. our Funko Pop Vinyl collection (ps. if you are ever looking for a gift for me.. just add to the collection) 🙂
  93. body spray
  94. cruise ships
  95. warm showers 
  96. my gym
  97. Gum
  98. Banana’s
  99. the autosave feature on this blog (I literally almost just lost the whole thing)
  100. the moon!
  101. Cheesy hallmark Christmas movies
  102. grapes

oops. got a little carried away. There is my list. Take a few minutes to create your own. You will thank me if you do. It makes you stop and think about all the little things in our lives that we have to be grateful for and the big things that we don’t often stop to give thought to. 

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This is your life

This is your life

this is your lifeThere is this song by the band Switchfoot that’s chorus contains these words. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. ARE YOU WHO YOU WANT TO BE. I have been pondering this for MONTHS. this song pops into my head ALL. THE. TIME. WHY?!? I don’t know. I think maybe because I am striving to be the person that I want to be.

Here are the lyrics to the song:

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes,
This is your life

And today is all you’ve got now
And today is all you’ll ever have
Don’t close your eyes.

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you’ve dreamed
That it would be when the world was younger,
And you had everything to lose?

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be

Have you ever stopped and thought about who you are? Several weeks ago at work I was given the opportunity to take a personality profile type of thing that was FREAKILY accurate. It knew things about me that I try not to admit to anyone, even myself…and it knew these things from a list of words I choose. JUST WORDS. I don’t even want to tell you the things that it said about me. But here is what I got to thinking… WHO gets to choose who I am? This is MY life… I get to pick who I want to be. Hmmmm…. think about that for a moment.

I sometimes find myself with a short fuse with other human beings. Ones who maybe aren’t as “perfect” as me… I’m teasing by the way. I know how impossible I can be to work with or be around somedays. I find myself having no patience with them. Or getting irritated with things I can’t control. Is this who I want to be? do I want people to not come to me because they are afraid of how I will react? NOPE! That means I have an opportunity to change my attitude. Change my tone. Or.. as I like to tell my people “Fix my face.” I find myself bottling up my emotions from the day and taking them out on my unsuspecting, very loving and understanding boyfriend even when he has done nothing wrong. Leaving him walking on egg shells around me.  I don’t want that. That is NOT who I want to be. Good news. I don’t have to be that and It’s something I am working on.

It’s up to me to decide who I want to be.

It’s up to me to be self aware of who I am being.

I get to influence this. I can fix my face. How cool is that??!?!

Full disclosure. I am a human being. and some day’s I am going to choose to be a whiney brat. Some day’s I am going to choose to let little things bug me and some day’s I am going to chose to through a pity party. I may also chose to wear a pair of cranky pants once in awhile. Because life happens. because I am not perfect. I just hope that I can choose Joy more days than not. Choose positive and influential. Choose Inspirational. Choose success. Choose never giving up.

life

 

Check on your strong friends…

This is a phrase that has been playing in my mind the last couple of months. Since the death of some famous celebrities. (Quite a few months ago now) and Came as a shock to the world that it was actually suicide. This phrase came into popularity. And I’ve not stopped thinking about it.

Here is the thing. You never know what someone is battling. Never! The thoughts that come. The doubt. The anxiety. Depression. Stress.  The hurt. Their past… etc.

A few weeks ago my sister and I walked a 5k (actually it was 5 miles) for mental health. A cause that means a lot to both of us.

CA6D6D13-4430-4097-AFA8-A78308F5EEDB.jpegI’ve actually been thinking a lot obout mental health lately. Here are some of my thoughts.

You don’t know what people have been through that makes them who they are.

Mental health is a huge topic these days. And I think it’s for good reason. I just have to take a moment to talk about Social media. Social media is a liar. Now… hear me out on this one. All you get to see on social media is whatever side of people’s personality that THEY want you to see. It’s never the whole story. It’s filtered. I get to pick the View of me that’s portrayed on social media. So do you. Think about that.

So that person that you see on social media who is always possitive and “loving life” might be struggling. And wanting to appear to have it all together. Maybe they don’t want you to know their life is really out of control and they don’t know what to do. It’s spiraling like crazy and can’t stop it. We don’t know…

I wanted to write this for a few reasons.. first. Don’t be ashamed if you are struggling. Get help. You’re worth it. Plus if  you are struggling with depression or anxiety or any mental health issue… it doesn’t make you a bad person. Actually it makes you human!

Also… be sensitive to other people. We honestly don’t know what battles other people are fighting. And it’s not our place to judge the battle.  Take a look at things from another perspective… the world might be a little better if we did.

We are all in this journey of life together and we are not called to do it alone.

Be kind.

love people. Love yourself.

Live like you were dying….

A lot can happen in the blink of an eye. One moment everything seems to be okay and then the next moment your world changes. Takes a turn.  A phone call you don’t expect can change everything. It’s been two years since I received a phone call like that. 2 years seems like So long ago and yet just yesterday. Two years ago I lost someone I grew up with and loved like a big sister. and I miss her dearly.

Tonight I honored the anniversary of her passing with a 2 mile run.

IMG_5983

As I was running along the river the song “Live like you were dying” came on. It felt like a message straight from Beki. The beauty of  dusk reflecting off the river was a reminder to not take a moment for granted. Not take your next breath for granted or the ability to get out and go for a run. To bask in the joy of the little things. To let go of the frustrations of the day (today was a rather trying day with the nephews.) To find the silver lining in things. To look on the bright side and be grateful for the challenges because they make the good things that much sweeter. Without rain there are no rainbows.

Beki was so full of faith and love and generosity and joy that it was contagious. I want to make her proud. I don’t know if she knows how much I looked up to her. I don’t. But I wish I could tell her. I wish I could hear her sing one more time. I wish I could hug her… just one more time. I wish she could meet her amazing niece who is adorable as can be that she never met. I wish she could see her other nieces that are growing up to be amazing, adorable wonderful little people.

But what I really want is her memory to live on. Her legacy to reflect who she was. And I wish in the middle of stressful, frustrating situations I could remember to breathe. Slow down and choose joy. That really life is too short to not to enjoy it.

Miss you like crazy Beki.

beki memory

Thoughts from today’s 5k

Confession. I don’t know much about Basketball.

So yesterday at work I was trying to inspire one of my employees whom was struggling. Struggling with doubt really. Not sure he can do it. Feeling he is failing. Not sure whether or not he should keep going….

So we had a little heart to heart. I started the conversation with “Tell me a little bit about Michael Jordan.”  His eyes lit up. This guy is very passionate about sports. So he went on to tell me about all the times that Michael Jordan has failed. All the people who didn’t believe he could be successful and that he never, never, never quit. He went on and talk about how Jordan had used Rejection and Failure to fuel him to success.

Fast forward to my 5k this morning. My Hot.. HILLY… HUMID… 5k this morning. It was an amazing run to benefit kids with life threatening illnesses. Now, keep in mind I have not been running much this year. I have gained more weight than I would like to admit and just am not in “Peak Tonya performance.” So this run was extremely difficult for me.

I wanted to quit more than once. More than twice even. I stopped to walk to catch my breath (which was really hard in the humidity) and wouldn’t you know… there was a guy passing me. Not only any guy. But a guy wearing a freakin’ Michael Jordan jersey. (side note…this story would have been a thousand times cooler if it was Michael Jordan himself…. just sayin’). Meanwhile, back at the story… this guy in a Jordan jersey comes running beside me. ALL I could think about was the chat with my employee yesterday. How could I encourage someone else not to quit when I am thinking about quitting myself?!? How could I expect someone else to keep pushing through and following their dreams and pursing their goals if I was just gonna quit in the middle of a 5k?!?! I need to lead by example. I need to keep running. I would like to say that I just kept running and never looked back. But it didn’t work that way. We kept switching the lead off and on a few times. Every time he passed me I just smiled and used it as fuel to push even harder. In the end I did end up crossing the finish line before him. This story is bigger than that. This is about following your dreams. Leading by example. It’s about NEVER, NEVER, NEVER giving up.

Ps. I did find the guy at the end of the run and tell him this story and thanked him for pushing me.

You just never know who you might inspire. and you never know when someone might inspire you. I didn’t think I would be the one getting inspired from the conversation yesterday. And who knows, telling the Jordan jersey guy the story just might have inspired him as well. Pay attention to those in your circle of influence.

I’ll leave you with these thoughts from Michael Jordan himself:

MJ quote 2

When the going gets tough…

When the going gets tough…

What do you do when the going gets tough??! When life is throwing you curve balls. When is seems like nothing is in your control… or going the way you want it to!?!?

Here are some of my thoughts  (you don’t know to know them all…) from tonight’s bonding session with my running shoes.

I have been hearing myself say a word quite a bit lately and I don’t like it. The word is Failure. “I feel like a failure” has come out of my mouth more often like I would like it to. it’s time for that to change… and it’s up to me to change it. I fail at my job. I fail at keeping my apartment clean. I fail at getting things done that I want to get done. I fail at being who I want to be in my relationships sometimes. I fail at following through with things that are very important. I fail at keeping my checkbook balanced. I fail at blogging as much as I want to. I fail at reading books that I really want to read…. you get the point.

Why is my brain saying that I am failing at these things?!?! I think it’s because I am working on them. And it’s hard. And I’m not seeing results as fast or in the areas I want to see them. I am a work in progress and that’s okay. and that does NOT mean I am a failure.

Work is hard. I don’t think it would be called “work” if it wasn’t hard. It would be called… Retirement. Tonight’s blog is about doing what is hard.

Tonight I went for a run (which has become harder as I’ve gained some weight and haven’t been focused on running) and it wasn’t easy.

I came upon this incline. A steep… horrific incline. Staring at me in the face. I had 2 choices. Face it or turn around and find another “easier” way to get home. IMG_5824

I started thinking about life. How I want big things. How people that I work with want big things! Lots of money in retirement, a beach house, a BMW… a nice house… a good education for their children and how we can get it all. But it’s a battle. A mental battle. An internal battle of “can I do this” “is this real” “is it worth is” “what if I fail”… all these things… and I sure I missed things.  We can get those things if we work hard. If we put in effort and create habits that get us what we want. I think what is standing in our way most of the time is…. OURSELVES. Our BRAIN.

But what do we do?!?!

Here is what I did:

IMG_5825

I put on my big girl pants and ran up the dumb incline. It was NOT fun at the moment. In fact I was severely under hydrated tonight and phlegmy and at one point ended up with spit in my eye (don’t ask)… but you know what?!?! It was freaking worth it. I felt amazing after my run was done. And the reward?!? So many things. Mental clarity. Toughness. Endurance. Mental strength. And it was for my own good. Sometimes we fight things that are for our own good because they are tough. Because life is hard. Because a lot is expected of us. But nothing easy is worth doing. The hard things are where you flourish. Where you grow outside of your comfort zone.

It’s real easy to break under pressure. To throw in the towel and quit. To literally just run away. I feel this particular subject is top of mind right now because of all of the recent suicides that have been in the news. Everyone struggles. EVERYONE. Even the ones who appear strong and unshakable are weak and shakable. The going gets tough… what are you going to do when it does?!?

tough

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Reach out to people in your life who care for you. Something else that has been circling social medial is “check on your strong friend”. Do it. You may not know what they are struggling with.

IMG_5826

here is a visual representation of it being “worth it” after I climbed that hill… there was a bridge over the Mississippi river and here is the treat I got. There is no filter on this photo… this is real life.

Big money (insert whatever it is that your after, Health, better relationships etc) is on the other side of the struggle. On the other side of Tough. On the other side of your comfort zone. The other side of where you are now… how are you going to get there!!?! and how much better will you be when you do?!?!

 

Precious

Have you ever lost something that you valued?!? That feeling of failure. Of what will people think? Why wasn’t I more responsible? Knowing you shouldn’t have been trusted with such a thing to begin with?!? 

So… The coolest thing just happened to me. Like. So cool. So…. Rewind to Sunday. I was at church. The message was called Home. We have been using the stories Jesus was telling including the prodigal son, the lost coins and the lost sheep. During worship I felt my beloved diamond earring fall out. I heard it hit the ground. I left it alone for the moment as to not be distracted during the message. However, I must admit that my heart sank. I know how mush those earrings must be worth… And I know how special they are to me. They were a gift from my wonderful boyfriend. Anyways, church ends and I start to search for the earring. All of a sudden a search party forms. Over the next half hour at least 25 people, in the pastor help look for it. We found the back of the earring!! At one point an incredible woman of God stops me and asked if I prayed for it. I had not. I was relying on my own strength. So we stopped and prayed. We prayed about leaving the 99, and the lost coin. We looked and looked. We even found the back of the earring. As I left Kim (the amazing woman who stopped and prayed) said something to that fact of it will be found. She was filled with such faith and hope. I’m not gonna lie… I left feeling like I let the boyfriend down. I’m notorious for losing things. I was scared to face him. I was beating myself up pretty hard. When I told him, he reacted In a very loving manner. He just held me. And told me it was okay. He is so good to me. I may have shed a tear or two. Well. I tried not to… But I choked up a bit. We went on with our lives. 

Over the next 4 days I’ve thought about it a few times. About the sheep, about the coin. About missing it. Sad. Empty. When I look in the mirror. Or feel my ear. Life just a little off. But In All honesty I didn’t think it would be found. I wasn’t even honesty looking. In my head it was at church. 

Tonight. Thursday. I’m out for a walk. I get a text from Kim. 


And then she quoted a verse we’ve been using: 


I knew at that moment. She was right. I’m not good at being still. Like hardly ever.  So.. I shut myself in. Quieted everything around me. And prayed. Not a long Prayer, A short “you know where it is God. Show me.” I decided to put my faith in God. Kim had sparked a glimmer of hope in me. And I know how good God is… But what are the odds of actually finding it at this point?!? Think needle in a haystack times a bajillion!!! It could be anywhere at this point. And my pea brain was still convinced it was at church. I mean I felt it! And the back!!  We found the back!! Fast forward 3 minutes. Yes… That isn’t a typo. I glance over at the bathroom rug. Yes, glance. Like I wasn’t looking… I just happen to look in that direction and….

 

Lying there on my bathroom rug was my precious diamond earring. My jaw dropped… And I fell to the floor praising God. Thinking about how much He cares about the littlest of details of our lives. Thinking About why I get so stressed out and worried about the dumbest things when Gods got this. I 100% believe that if I just put my faith in God that things will all be okay. But sometimes I need to be reminded. I think I’ve been so “busy” with my life that I’ve failed to realize the good things that Gods doing in and around me. I forget that I am his vessel. I forget to pay attention to his blessings. I forget all of the promises I have as a child of God. 

There are so many more things I could say about this. For example I don’t think it was a coincidence that this happened during this series. A lesson about being still. Praying. Listening to God. Seeking Godly wisdom. Lots of lessons.  But that something more I need to ponder. 

Just needed to share my miracle story. God is so much cooler than I give him credit for.