A lot can happen in the blink of an eye. One moment everything seems to be okay and then the next moment your world changes. Takes a turn. A phone call you don’t expect can change everything. It’s been two years since I received a phone call like that. 2 years seems like So long ago and yet just yesterday. Two years ago I lost someone I grew up with and loved like a big sister. and I miss her dearly.
Tonight I honored the anniversary of her passing with a 2 mile run.
As I was running along the river the song “Live like you were dying” came on. It felt like a message straight from Beki. The beauty of dusk reflecting off the river was a reminder to not take a moment for granted. Not take your next breath for granted or the ability to get out and go for a run. To bask in the joy of the little things. To let go of the frustrations of the day (today was a rather trying day with the nephews.) To find the silver lining in things. To look on the bright side and be grateful for the challenges because they make the good things that much sweeter. Without rain there are no rainbows.
Beki was so full of faith and love and generosity and joy that it was contagious. I want to make her proud. I don’t know if she knows how much I looked up to her. I don’t. But I wish I could tell her. I wish I could hear her sing one more time. I wish I could hug her… just one more time. I wish she could meet her amazing niece who is adorable as can be that she never met. I wish she could see her other nieces that are growing up to be amazing, adorable wonderful little people.
But what I really want is her memory to live on. Her legacy to reflect who she was. And I wish in the middle of stressful, frustrating situations I could remember to breathe. Slow down and choose joy. That really life is too short to not to enjoy it.
Miss you like crazy Beki.
Todays blog brought to you in part by my revelations from this mornings run:
Warning I’m slightly caffeinated and this might be all over and a tidge rambly.. Oh wait all my blogs kinda are. So. Never mind.
So.. I continue to struggle recently with the whole choosing joy thing. I try. I really do… But some days I just don’t have it in me. I have been in a funk recently… And I’m gonna be honest.. I don’t like it. I prefer happy Tonya. Life is way more fun when I’m happy. And people around me tend to appreciate it too. Either they appreciate it or they are annoyed with me… But either way I’m happier when I’m happier. Hehe. Anyways. This whole life throwing me a curve ball thing is still affecting me mentally. I know it shouldn’t. But I really really want to succeed… Like really! So what happens when This girl is struggling mentally!?! I eat. I stop caring what I put in my body. Luckily I have not stopped working out because it make me feel way better than ice cream… And it allows me to sorta be off my eating game a little. However the scale might be noticing my deviation more than I would like it too. Anyways the point here is I did not choose my circumstances but it is 100% up to me to make it happen. It’s nobody else’s responsibility and above all I get to choose my attitude. Truth be told, today was better than most days recently and the only reason was the way I viewed the day. Brain felt more clear and I just… Well…. Chose joy. Made a huge difference. And I made better food choices and I think that makes me feel better too. Bottom line is that I refuse to quit. I will not give up on me. And I recommend you doing the same. I have a list of reasons why quitting working on me in not an option. I probably should look at it more often. As I’ve said in another blog about me not wanting to look myself in the face and say that I blew a huge opportunity to succeed…well.. I most defiantly do NOT want to look myself in the face and have it be a less healthy and happy version of me. That’s not acceptable and not an option.
Another reason to write this particular message is due to the fact that some dear friends of mine are going through an unexpected life event that could cause them to stray off a journey. In all honesty we are more like family. These are my weight watchers members. Even after I had to leave they are and will always be my people. The meeting that we had grown to love had to close… But I am I am telling you now…That quitting isn’t an option. It’s a lifestyle and you owe it to you to finish what you started. I have faith in you. You are worth it. DO NOT QUIT! As you might have guessed all those things were written as a reminder to me as well. We are all on this journey of life (and weight loss) together and I hope you never forget that I’ve got your back.
Found this just today as I was scrolling t through FB. Seemed fitting for me today… In this time:
Truth be told not having to be held accountable to my weight watchers people on a weekly basis has not help me keep my head on the game. I don’t have to stand up in front of a group of people on a weekly basis and try and motivate and be an example of weight watchers makes me a little more relaxed. And the truth is that’s a little scary. The last time I lost this kind if accountablity I gained like 20 pounds. No exaggeration. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…. Butterflies can NOT go back to being caterpillars. Time to get my head in the game… Break out of this funk… Get my big girl panties on and keep on spreading my wings and FLYING. The sky is the limit… I totally got this and guess what?!?! So do you! I’ll leave you with one more Pintrest find that I found rather fitting.
Make good choices!
I don’t know where to begin this blog. Other than to say my life has recently put me in a position to make some changes that were/ are not fun/ easy or comfortable. Having to be pushed outside of my comfort zone and having to give up things that I love. Having to put my faith in God and believe that everything happens for a reason and when one door closes another one opens. What I have learned is that keeping an open mind is important and it’s how you react to the situation that really decides the outcome.
That being said… today kinda sucked. I had to say good bye to a group of people who have become like family to me. The watched me stumble and trip and babble my way through week after week of weight watchers meetings. They loved me in the beginning when I didn’t have a clue and was a scared frightened girl… And watched me blossom into a… I don’t know really… I still really don’t have a clue… But they still love me. They make me laugh and they inspire me. They keep me real and honest and accountable. They gave me crap about wanting a tattoo…. But we’re excited when I reached the goal (haven’t quite got the tattoo yet… So they may never see it). They mean more to me than they will probably ever know. We took this little meeting and grew it into a stable group of members who love coming. Who hate it when the weather puts a wrench in the meeting. They hold each other accountable and that makes me happy.
These are just some of my people:
This next part is for them:
Thank you for being there for me. Being my rock and my support. Making me laugh and understanding that I do not have it all together. We are not perfect….but we are all pretty awesome. It was hard to express this in the meeting…. But it has to be said. Keep being awesome. Your journey is not over. My journey is not over. We must keep on.. Keeping on. No reason to quit. Is the journey long and hard? Yup! Is it worth it!!?!? Absolutely! You just never know who you are inspiring… Just keep being you! And if you EVER.. And I mean EVER need anything… You know how to reach me! Don’t be scared to reach out… We need each other! What was today’s meeting about? Who’s got your back!?! Answer: I do! Sure we stumble and fall… Let’s just not give up. K?!? Keep me posted and I’m excited to be apart of your journey! I love you all! And you will forever be in my heart!
You know even if you were not a part of our fantastic little group… The things above apply. It’s true! Reach out. We are here for each other.
As for me. I don’t know exactly what the future holds… But I know who holds the future.
Thanks for making me feel special…. This week and every week! And don’t forget: MAKE GOOD CHOICES. ( well, most if the time)
Ps. This blog was written entirely while walking on the treadmill. The people in the picture know why. Nobody is perfect… Right?!?! Lol. This is why I love weight watchers… Cuz perfect is NOT required!