Be kind

So. I had to have a little talk with myself again. I basically had a wake up moment and I needed to tell myself to shut up. They say you are your own worst critic and I believe that. I must admit I am way hard on myself. For not being where I think I should be. For my thighs that are not as small as I want them to be. For my muffin top that is too squishy (more accurately a cupcake top in my case). I beat myself up for not working out as hard as I could. I sometimes freak out about making good food choices… And get disappointed in myself when I choose unwise choices. Are any of those things helpful?!?! Nope! Not at all! How would it make me feel to lift myself up instead? To be happy with how far I’ve come?! To be proud of how freaking strong I’ve become? You know there was one point in life, oh about 77 lbs or so ago that I would haven’t given just about anything to look/ feel/ be able to do what this body can do. Speaking of which.  Check this out: 

  
  
Both of those are me. I really am not the same girl as the top photo. Lacking self confidence. Even super shy (which I know those of you that know me now don’t believe)! I was not comfortable in my own skin really. So many things are different!

Thinking maybe, just maybe I should be a little nicer to…me. What do you say? Will you join me? Make it a daily goal to just be a little better than the person we were yesterday… And if (and by if I mean when.. Let’s be real) we mess up… We be kind to our selfs. K?!? Let’s do this! 

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Gimme a break…

Now that I have got your attention.. and quite possible the Kit Kat jingle in your head (you’re welcome). Here is thoughts that have been brewing in the wonderfully complex brain of Tonya as of recent. I have actually been experiencing a little blog withdrawl… it’s been 12 days since I added wisdom (or ramblings) to the blog world. So here goes. As you all know I am on a mission to run 100 miles in January. Well, Just a quick update. I am RoCkInG it! As of today I am at 86 miles. And have a plan on how to get the rest of them in before Scrapbook Camp. Well, Here is what happened on Wednesday. I was feeling nothing short of exhausted. My body was like “okay, Ton… you have ran enough I can’t run another step let alone mile” I wanted to run.. like in my mind I had a goal to hit. I also had other stuff to do at the gym. Apparently my exhaustion was apparent and was told to take a rest day. A WHAT!?!? I can’t.. Not now. Are you ILL?!? are you kidding me?! these are all things I either thought or said.  Well contrary to my desire to just run regardless.. I took it easy and called it a rest day. I took a BREAK!?!? huh. Interesting concept. I actually took off Wednesday and Thursday. Funny Part… I felt better the next day. More energy and more gumption. Here is the bottom line. You deserve a break. Maybe it’s a break from running, or whatever your workout of choice is. Maybe you made poor choices at Pizza Ranch (oh..wait..that was me) and instead of giving yourself a lecture.. you give yourself a break. Maybe you didn’t hit a goal you were striving for in your perfect little time frame… I don’t know what it is… Just..Gain a renewed focus and do better tomorrow. Maybe your life is super scheduled and you feel like you are pulled in a billion directions. Take a break. Relax. read a book… watch a movie. DO NOTHING. it’s okay. Healthy even. Take care of you mentally and physically. Why? Cuz you are worth it. That’s why. Life isn’t perfect and may not be exactly as you thought it would be. It’s OKAY. Give yourself a break and make this the best life… you really only get one. Make it matter.

me

Wait… What?!?!

First of all I must start this blog out by pointing out the obvious. It’s what’s on the inside that counts. The number on the scale and/or the number on the pants doesn’t matter. Healthy living is MUCH more than that…. and can be measured so many other ways. How you feel, how much energy you have… and so on. This Blog is about Pants. Well…actually jeans. I like Jeans. A LOT. I have had a lot of jeans over the years: Fat jeans, Skinny jeans, someday jeans, yeah..right…never gonna happen jeans. Jeans are the first place I notice if I am getting way off track. The jeans don’t fit, they get to tight and uncomfortable or even worse.. the “muffin top” (well I call mine a cupcake top cuz I don’t care much for muffins…but cupcakes is another story) starts spilling over even more. It’s a wake up call to get back on track.  I specifically remember a conversation with my mother near the beginning of this weight loss journey (about 10ish years ago) about wanting to be a certain size. At the time I was wearing men’s jeans because the women’s jeans just didn’t fit quite right. When I switched to women’s jeans I was about a size 18. I wanted to be a size 10. I wanted it so bad. I told my mom…who loving told me to set realistic goals. I told her I was being realistic because I wasn’t really setting a time frame. I just thought it would be the best thing ever to be a 10.

Well, here is what happened tonight. I went into the Lucky Brand store looking for jeans. The lovely sales lady asked me what size the Lucky jeans I was wearing were. I proudly held up 4 fingers. (still kind of in disbelieve that I am in a 4, even though I have been for quite some time) I saw these cute jeans and she grabbed me two pairs. Told me that the sizes run a little different so she grabbed me a size 2. Wait, what!?!? You think I could wear a 2? uh…. whatever lady. I humored her and tried them on. Hmmm. Interesting… They Fit!!! Not only that but they look quite good if I do say so myself. Disclaimer: they do have a little stretch in them… so I get that I am not really a size two..but it still got me thinking. Here are my thoughts: do NOT underestimate yourself. Don’t quit, just don’t! Be proud of how far you have come. Set realistic goals, and when you crush those one… set some  more. It’s really about small, itty bitty changes. You got this! Maybe you have those “too tight jeans” right now… let me just tell you ” a year from now you will wish you started today”

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And Find a pair of jeans that makes you look and FEEL good. You got this!

Sabatage? Not this time!

Okay… so something has been bugging me for a long time. It’s time to come clean and get this off my chest. Here is where my frustration begins. This time last year I was 3 lbs. away from my tattoo weight. How do I know this? Well I remember being at a Halloween party and to avoid indulging on too much temptation I literally wrote the number 3 on my wrist to make me stop and ask myself “is it worth it” before I made a poor food choice. Of course it didn’t stop me from completely…but I think it helped. Anyways. Fast forward to today. I am… you guessed it 3 lbs. away from my tattoo weight. Frustrated? YUP… just a little.

Here is what tends to happen to me when I come to points in my journey like this. I quit. I get frustrated. I figure why bother? I tend to fall into a trap where I sabotage myself and start falling back into old habits and stop caring. WHY?!?! This is what I have been pondering/ obsessing about recently. I recently recalled an experience at work when my supervisor told me that I was scared of success… I thought that was the craziest thing I ever heard. He said I just do enough to get by…but don’t challenge myself above and beyond. I never thought about that. Wondering if it’s the same with this weight loss journey I am on. I don’t know why I would be scared to succeed at something I have worked so hard to get to…. and something I want soooo bad. I guess it is possible that I am scared that once I hit the tattoo weight I won’t have anything to strive for. I suppose it could be that I am scared that I would have the tendency to slack off and undo all the years of hard work that I put in to become the butterfly I am meant to be…. However… I have learned so many things the past years about who I am and I know me better that than. Certainly I have days/weeks…okay sometimes months…where my head isn’t in the game. I am not perfect. I complain/ make excuses about going to the gym. I make poor food choices. I emotionally eat sometimes. But I like the new me WAY better than the old me. I like the things my new body can do. I like way my clothes fit. So I shouldn’t be worried about those things. I got this. The goal weight isn’t the end. It is just a marker of things to come. The butterfly part of the journey. No more caterpillar.

I know for a lot of people they may say “it’s only 3 lbs” it should not be that hard. I wish that were true. For me it has been. I know I don’t have a perfect diet. I know I could workout out harder/ smarter. Here is what else I know. I am an entire pants size smaller than I was one year ago. All my running and weight training has transformed my body…and the scale just doesn’t recognize it like I would like it to sometimes. I can run faster than I used to. I can do more at the gym than I used to. It is just hard sometimes to recognize these things. I say these things as a reminder to me…as well to encourage you to do the same. The scale isn’t the end all and be all form of measuring success.

So here are a few things I have decided. 1. I got this. 2. quitting is not an option. 3. going to stop making excuses and suck it up. 4. going to focus on enjoying the journey.

I will continue to blog about my progress. Sorry if I rambled a bit….it’s kinda what I do. Thanks for reading this. Make it a great week…and “make good choices”

You just never know who you are inspiring…..

SO…. Just the other day my friend Bonnie posted on FB this status:

This is the post that did it. This is the one that turned my head in the right direction. I have lost a lot of weight, but, you know, while the number of pounds I have lost over the years is impressive; there’s another number that I find even better: 12…. This is the number of inches I have lost around my waist since I read this post almost 3 years ago. How can you ever repay the person that has ultimately saved your life? I’ll tell you…12 more inches. Tonya Schwartz I love you!

So many thoughts. First of all… Bonnie Z (as I call her) is amazing. She has no idea how much of an inspiration she really is. I am sharing this story with her permission. I just can’t believe how much she has taken back control of her life…. from the inside out. I mean really! I told her that status just about made me cry and made me wanna give her a hug.. BTW I still owe you a hug my friend! I share her to story to inspire you. You really never know how much of an impact what you say and do has. For example just today I was told I was “tiny” by a person I do not even know. Me? really? huh… interesting 😉 but it made my day. What can you do with your life that will inspire someone? I had NO CLUE that one little note posted on Facebook would have such and impact….but man am I glad I took the time to share my thoughts (or ramblings for that matter). Sooo. Do what you do, keep being who you are… you just never know whose life you might change!  Below I have posted a comparison photo of where Bonnie started and where she is today. 198 lbs lighter. yes you read that right 198! She is a rock star in my book! I also am sharing the FB note that she says started it all

Who inspires you? One who inspires me is Bonnie Z!

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Here is what I posted on Facebook Jan 3 2012: (edited for some horrible spelling/ grammar errors I couldn’t leave in there)

So, it’s that time of year again… Time to reflect on the year that 2011 was and the year that you want 2012 to be… Also a time that people make New Years Resolutions. I just figured I would take a minute to throw out a word of encouragement to my Facebook people who may be making weight loss goals this year. I, myself, have been on a weight loss journey for over 10 years now… So I have a little knowledge on the subject 🙂 I am not where I want to be, but am far (75 lbs or so) from where I once was.  So here is some of what I learned…

First of all. Diets don’t work.  Actually I didn’t diet. Diets don’t make sense to me… If you go on a diet… it is something you can come off of… I needed to make permanent changes in my eating habits. I chose a program I could follow that taught me what to eat. It’s about healthy eating choices, and not depriving yourself. I can still eat pizza, ice cream… French fries… whatever I want! It’s about portions and choices. I also learned (the hard way) that I needed to be tracking what I was eating.  I hate… really hate… writing down what I eat. Know why?!? Cuz then I have to see it! And that makes me accountable for what I put in my mouth. Know why its such a big part of the Weight Watchers program.. cuz it works!! Also Its about making small changes. What I first had my “Wow, I really need to do something about my weight” moment, I didn’t go change every one of my bad behaviors overnight. I changed one thing at a time.  Also realize that the weight did not come one overnight.. and will not just fall off overnight (I hate to tell ya that…)

In all honestly when I first started my journey the whole eating right thing was a bit overwhelming, so i started working out.  At that point i was intimidated by a gym and I didn’t know how to workout, so I joined Curves.  (I have since gained the knowledge and confidence to go to a “real” gym)…. but it was a starting place. It was about doing something. Moving my body. Its kinda funny to look back and see how things have changed… I used to hate running!  HATE it!! there is a reason that I put that all in caps. I’m not joking. All through elementary and high school I would come up with reasons…okay excuses.. that i couldn’t run.  Now, I can say that I am a runner. I compete in 5ks.. I crave it when i haven’t done it in a while. I just really like how it makes me feel.  Ps. I NEVER thought i would say those words… but its true.  Also, when I started running I could barely make it 30 seconds at a 4.0 on the treadmill. (not an exaggeration)  Compared to now when I do between 5.5-6.0 for about a half hour to 45 minutes! It’s so great to see how things have changed. And I haven’t been running very long.. 2 years maybe?! BTW the program I followed was the couch to 5k program. I highly recommend you google it if your interested 🙂 But honestly, it doesn’t have to be running. Find something you like to do and do it. Sports, swimming, walking, lifting weights (which i also hate), dance, play a sport…whatever. Just find something and Do it!!

My next lesson… set goals. Realistic…attainable goals.  Had I started my journey and said I need to lose 75 lbs..and I need to do it in one year…I would have quit.  Now I Probably could have worked harder and done it a littler faster…but I am a slow learner 🙂  I am actually very proud of how long I have been able to maintain and stabilize my weight. Also, Don’t focus too much on the scale. I used to be obsessive about weighing myself and drove myself (and my sister) crazy.  Measure success in other ways. . . How your jeans fit… How you feel… you know other things..  Reward yourself for hitting goals and try not to get frustrated if its taking longer than you would like. Keep trying! Btw, when I say reward yourself I’m not talking about hitting up Cold Stone every time you lose 5lb…but do something to recognize your accomplishments.

Also, Tell someone what you’re trying to do. Set up a support system. Mine Rocks!! It honestly helps to have a support system in place… You guys know who you are… thanks for keeping me accountable and in line…People want to help you. I am always here if anyone needs help, tips, motivation…whatever. I actually could talk about diet and exercise all day (ask the people who sit by me at work…think they get annoyed some days… but they still love me) You need to realize that you are worth it! You deserve to be healthy and happy!! Don’t beat yourself up if you have a bad day.. Tomorrow is a new day.. realize that and move on! Okay, I could seriously keep on going… but I will quit for now 🙂

So, let me just leave you with this thought… How cool would it be to look back at this time next year and say… I did it!?!?  I am healthier, stronger.. thinner (whatever the case may be…) We can this guys… We can!!! Trust me on this one.. I know 🙂

Happy New year Friends!

Thanks for reading my blog…and Go inspire someone!