Precious

Have you ever lost something that you valued?!? That feeling of failure. Of what will people think? Why wasn’t I more responsible? Knowing you shouldn’t have been trusted with such a thing to begin with?!? 

So… The coolest thing just happened to me. Like. So cool. So…. Rewind to Sunday. I was at church. The message was called Home. We have been using the stories Jesus was telling including the prodigal son, the lost coins and the lost sheep. During worship I felt my beloved diamond earring fall out. I heard it hit the ground. I left it alone for the moment as to not be distracted during the message. However, I must admit that my heart sank. I know how mush those earrings must be worth… And I know how special they are to me. They were a gift from my wonderful boyfriend. Anyways, church ends and I start to search for the earring. All of a sudden a search party forms. Over the next half hour at least 25 people, in the pastor help look for it. We found the back of the earring!! At one point an incredible woman of God stops me and asked if I prayed for it. I had not. I was relying on my own strength. So we stopped and prayed. We prayed about leaving the 99, and the lost coin. We looked and looked. We even found the back of the earring. As I left Kim (the amazing woman who stopped and prayed) said something to that fact of it will be found. She was filled with such faith and hope. I’m not gonna lie… I left feeling like I let the boyfriend down. I’m notorious for losing things. I was scared to face him. I was beating myself up pretty hard. When I told him, he reacted In a very loving manner. He just held me. And told me it was okay. He is so good to me. I may have shed a tear or two. Well. I tried not to… But I choked up a bit. We went on with our lives. 

Over the next 4 days I’ve thought about it a few times. About the sheep, about the coin. About missing it. Sad. Empty. When I look in the mirror. Or feel my ear. Life just a little off. But In All honesty I didn’t think it would be found. I wasn’t even honesty looking. In my head it was at church. 

Tonight. Thursday. I’m out for a walk. I get a text from Kim. 


And then she quoted a verse we’ve been using: 


I knew at that moment. She was right. I’m not good at being still. Like hardly ever.  So.. I shut myself in. Quieted everything around me. And prayed. Not a long Prayer, A short “you know where it is God. Show me.” I decided to put my faith in God. Kim had sparked a glimmer of hope in me. And I know how good God is… But what are the odds of actually finding it at this point?!? Think needle in a haystack times a bajillion!!! It could be anywhere at this point. And my pea brain was still convinced it was at church. I mean I felt it! And the back!!  We found the back!! Fast forward 3 minutes. Yes… That isn’t a typo. I glance over at the bathroom rug. Yes, glance. Like I wasn’t looking… I just happen to look in that direction and….

 

Lying there on my bathroom rug was my precious diamond earring. My jaw dropped… And I fell to the floor praising God. Thinking about how much He cares about the littlest of details of our lives. Thinking About why I get so stressed out and worried about the dumbest things when Gods got this. I 100% believe that if I just put my faith in God that things will all be okay. But sometimes I need to be reminded. I think I’ve been so “busy” with my life that I’ve failed to realize the good things that Gods doing in and around me. I forget that I am his vessel. I forget to pay attention to his blessings. I forget all of the promises I have as a child of God. 

There are so many more things I could say about this. For example I don’t think it was a coincidence that this happened during this series. A lesson about being still. Praying. Listening to God. Seeking Godly wisdom. Lots of lessons.  But that something more I need to ponder. 

Just needed to share my miracle story. God is so much cooler than I give him credit for. 

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Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

I don’t know where to begin this blog. Other than to say my life has recently put me in a position to make some changes that were/ are not fun/ easy or comfortable. Having to be pushed outside of my comfort zone and having to give up things that I love. Having to put my faith in God and believe that everything happens for a reason and when one door closes another one opens. What I have learned is that keeping an open mind is important and it’s how you react to the situation that really decides the outcome.

That being said… today kinda sucked. I had to say good bye to a group of people who have become like family to me. The watched me stumble and trip and babble my way through week after week of weight watchers meetings. They loved me in the beginning when I didn’t have a clue and was a scared frightened girl… And watched me blossom into a… I don’t know really… I still really don’t have a clue… But they still love me. They make me laugh and they inspire me. They keep me real and honest and accountable. They gave me crap about wanting a tattoo…. But we’re excited when I reached the goal (haven’t quite got the tattoo yet… So they may never see it). They mean more to me than they will probably ever know. We took this little meeting and grew it into a stable group of members who love coming. Who hate it when the weather puts a wrench in the meeting. They hold each other accountable and that makes me happy.

These are just some of my people:

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This next part is for them:
THANK YOU!
Thank you for being there for me. Being my rock and my support. Making me laugh and understanding that I do not have it all together. We are not perfect….but we are all pretty awesome. It was hard to express this in the meeting…. But it has to be said. Keep being awesome. Your journey is not over. My journey is not over. We must keep on.. Keeping on. No reason to quit. Is the journey long and hard? Yup! Is it worth it!!?!? Absolutely! You just never know who you are inspiring… Just keep being you! And if you EVER.. And I mean EVER need anything… You know how to reach me! Don’t be scared to reach out… We need each other! What was today’s meeting about? Who’s got your back!?! Answer: I do! Sure we stumble and fall… Let’s just not give up. K?!? Keep me posted and I’m excited to be apart of your journey! I love you all! And you will forever be in my heart!

You know even if you were not a part of our fantastic little group… The things above apply. It’s true! Reach out. We are here for each other.

As for me. I don’t know exactly what the future holds… But I know who holds the future.

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Thanks for making me feel special…. This week and every week! And don’t forget: MAKE GOOD CHOICES. ( well, most if the time)

Ps. This blog was written entirely while walking on the treadmill. The people in the picture know why. Nobody is perfect… Right?!?! Lol. This is why I love weight watchers… Cuz perfect is NOT required!

Let’s get physical

Hmmm. Were do I start? Today I had an appointment I was Not looking forward to. AT. ALL. The super fun “girly doctor” appointment as I call it. The OB-Gyn if you will. There are several reasons I don’t so much like this appointment. First of all. It’s just not that comfortable and slightly awkward. Second of all it causes me flash backs. It was a routine physical that found something crazy happening inside of me. A mass on one of my ovaries actually. The doctor at the Mayo Clinic actually called it a “softball sized massed filled with chocolatey goo.” This appointment was 7 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember sitting face to face with probably the most Amazing doctor on the planet and seeing her in tears attempting to explain to a confused 26 year old girl that she might have to have her ovaries removed and might never be able to have kids and/ or might have cancer. I remember getting my mom on the phone and attempting to expat to her what is going on. What I remember most of all is my reaction to Dr. Regan. I wasn’t scared. I did not reach panic mode. I looked her straight in the face and said “I don’t care what it is… My god is bigger than this.” You see… She had a right to be concerned. They run this blood test to see the possibility of cancer in your body. It’s the CA125 test. To be normal the number should be less than 35. Mine was 403!!! I literally left that physical that day with a note to bring to work that said: Tonya may not return to work UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE… That did hit me a little. What do you mean until further notice. However I maintained my God is bigger attitude and did what had to be done. Which was surgery at the mayo clinic less than a week later. Talk about a whirlwind of a time in my life. Spoiler alert: there was no cancer found! They ran pathology when I was in surgery and I was cleared and still have 98% of my ovaries!

What I learned was a lot!
–Freaking out doesn’t help.
–Don’t stop believing.
–Enjoy the moment (we had lots of fun in Rochester despite the reason we were there)
–My family rules!
–attitude is everything!!!!

So…. Every time it go to the clinic for my yearly check up I kinda get a twinge of a “what if” trying to creep in…. Today however was a lot of fun. My new doctor (who is fantastic, but will never live up to doctor Regan… Sorry but it true) is impressed with how healthy I am. She loves how low my heart rate is. And she is inspired by me and my healthy life style (which always makes me smile)… And most importantly she has no concerns about my health! Apparently my healthyish living is paying off. She even said I have abs!! Lol. She was impressed by how strong my abs are. Huh.. Interesting I didn’t know I had abs. Wish I could see them. Lol. Bottom line of all is journey down memory lane. You only get one body and one life; take care of it. It’s worth it. You’re worth it. And God is bigger. That is all! Be blessed.

Attaching a picture from my official medical charts. Just about says it all.

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