This whole blog has been brewing in my head for quite some time. And I’m not really sure I can make it make sense… But I’m sure gonna try. It all started when I started seeing people post photos of kids going back to school pics of their kids. Along with senior photos. I decided to look back at mine. It generated a lot of thoughts. Here is one of those photos:
That was 1999.. And I was probably about 70ish lbs heavier then, than I am now. Here is the deal. I am gonna be real honest. I have been struggling lately. Not so much taking my healthy living journey seriously. Tired of constantly making good choices. Feeling a little…maybe a lot.. Stressed out. So I take it out on food. Why? Cuz that’s what I know. That’s what my fall back has always been. Eating right is NOT always fun. Working out flat out sucks sometimes. Quitting is really…really an appealing options. Eat what I want and be lazy.. Sign me up. But wait just a second. Let’s think about how unhappy, unhealthy chubby Tonya was. How much it sucked to carry around that much extra weight. How I could not see my feet beyond my belly when I stood up. How self conscious I was. How I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do. How I didn’t even try because of my size. How quiet and shy (some of you don’t believe that… But it’s true). Sometimes I don’t even recognize that girl… But sometimes she is so close to being back it’s a little scary. Do I want to go back? Who do I want to be?!?
So these were the thoughts that were going on in my head when I get a text from my brother. Said he showed my 5 year old niece this photo:
Her response was: Auntie Tonya (I am the one in the grey) looks different. Which lead me down a whole new train of thought. I have 4 nephews and a niece. Ranging in age from 3-6 years old. They currently don’t know “Chubby Tonya”. They know auntie Tonya who loves to chase them and play on the playground with them and race them (Carter says I am the fastest). They know an Auntie that tries to make good choices and tries to teach them about balance. They know an auntie who runs for fitness and for fun. An auntie who has run a lot of 5ks (I should count!). An auntie who is learning to be happy with how far she has come. They know a much more confident person than I was in high school. I think I want to be the Auntie they know. I don’t think they need to know Chubby Tonya. I am not ashamed of who I was…and I am not yet who I want to be. And I may have even gone backwards a time or twenty… But I didn’t give up. I WON’T give up. I can’t give up. That is the lesson I want them to get from my journey. Not giving up. And being healthy is worth it. That is the Auntie I want to be. Yes, I struggle… And I expect that to continue. But I will keep fighting. For them and for me. I know what to do. I have the support system to make it happen… But it’s ultimately up to ME to make this happen. And you know what?!? I got this.
Okay… So of you know me this next sentence is going to be a “duh Tonya” sentence, but it needs to be said: I am a runner. I used to say I am “kind of a runner” but when you run 100 miles in January 2015 you have to drop the *kind of.* I get into a lot of conversations about running. Why? Cuz it’s my passion and I will talk your ear off about it if you let me. I didn’t also have a desire to run. It was more like a hatred actually. I am pretty sure I once tried to convince a gym teacher that I couldn’t run cuz my legs died and gone to heaven. (Sixth grade, mr. rentz) anyways…
Things have changed. And running has changed my life. It has made me more confident in a lot of areas of my life. It has made me fall in love… With me. Running gives me time to think and ponder about the meaning of life.
I’ve seen parts of this city and other cities that I would have never seen without running. It challenges me. Through running I have also discovered that I am a bit competitive and this is a great outlet for that (even if my competition is usually myself.) I have more running clothes than regular clothes. I have done more 5ks than I can count. Also done a few 10ks and a few other ran runs. I’ve been called crazy more times then I can count… Ps crazy is my favorite compliment cuz I think I’m crazy too.
Well here is what happened tonight. It was a beautiful March day In Minnesota so I took the opportunity to run outside! After running in circles pretty much all winter at the gym (I don’t wanna know how many laps I’ve done on that track!) it felt amazing to run outside. The goal today was to run 5 miles (my favorite distance). As I started out I felt like I was kinda cruising along so I checked my pace. Uh it was showing me between a 7 and 7 1/2 minute mile. Wait what?!?! Back up.., my normal pace is about a 9:30 minute mile. So my goal quickly shifted to “I wonder how fast I can run a 5k…. Well… All I can say I wish someone was on the beaver island trail to snap a picture when I pushed stop on my Nike plus app…
I was so shocked that I had to snap a photo… There is no way I just did that. The feeling I had was indescribable. I was so freaking proud of that time. The time I a putting in at the gym is really paying off. When I was first conned into training for a 5k (yes I was kicking and screaming) I would have never pictured me A) doing it and B) enjoying it and C) having it change my life.
My encouragement to you would be… Try something you thought you hated or something that kinda pushes you outside of your comfort zone… You might find it changes your life. You might surprise yourself. You might just inspire someone. It doesn’t have to be running. Make it yours. Find something your passionate about and do it. Be you. Be proud of things you thought you would never be able to do! You get one life…. run with it (okay… I had to be a little Punny)
Oh and just so you know I kinda had to get back home… So I figured i should do another 5k. Second one not as fast (actually felt like a nice easy pace… Still was way faster than I EVER thought I would be able to do).
I could keep going on… And if you ever wanna talk about running.. I’m your girl! But I will stop for now…. And to those of you that know me… I probably won’t shut up about this particular run for quite sometime. Consider yourself warned. 😉
Now that I have got your attention.. and quite possible the Kit Kat jingle in your head (you’re welcome). Here is thoughts that have been brewing in the wonderfully complex brain of Tonya as of recent. I have actually been experiencing a little blog withdrawl… it’s been 12 days since I added wisdom (or ramblings) to the blog world. So here goes. As you all know I am on a mission to run 100 miles in January. Well, Just a quick update. I am RoCkInG it! As of today I am at 86 miles. And have a plan on how to get the rest of them in before Scrapbook Camp. Well, Here is what happened on Wednesday. I was feeling nothing short of exhausted. My body was like “okay, Ton… you have ran enough I can’t run another step let alone mile” I wanted to run.. like in my mind I had a goal to hit. I also had other stuff to do at the gym. Apparently my exhaustion was apparent and was told to take a rest day. A WHAT!?!? I can’t.. Not now. Are you ILL?!? are you kidding me?! these are all things I either thought or said. Well contrary to my desire to just run regardless.. I took it easy and called it a rest day. I took a BREAK!?!? huh. Interesting concept. I actually took off Wednesday and Thursday. Funny Part… I felt better the next day. More energy and more gumption. Here is the bottom line. You deserve a break. Maybe it’s a break from running, or whatever your workout of choice is. Maybe you made poor choices at Pizza Ranch (oh..wait..that was me) and instead of giving yourself a lecture.. you give yourself a break. Maybe you didn’t hit a goal you were striving for in your perfect little time frame… I don’t know what it is… Just..Gain a renewed focus and do better tomorrow. Maybe your life is super scheduled and you feel like you are pulled in a billion directions. Take a break. Relax. read a book… watch a movie. DO NOTHING. it’s okay. Healthy even. Take care of you mentally and physically. Why? Cuz you are worth it. That’s why. Life isn’t perfect and may not be exactly as you thought it would be. It’s OKAY. Give yourself a break and make this the best life… you really only get one. Make it matter.
Know why I write this blog? Because I need a place to come back to and be reminded of lessons that I have learned. And maybe help someone in the process. So here it goes. These are the thoughts I was thinking during my five mile run tonight. First, however, a little background, I am still struggling to find a balance between my increased workouts and eating what I know I need to be eating. I have mainly been eating two things: anything and everything. Lol. I’m sure I am not alone in this. I get to this “I wanna eat everything I can get my hands on” and I’m not exactly talking fruits and veggies here people…. Well. I was in a mood today. A “why can’t you figure it out and get your head in the game” lecture mood. A “I don’t wanna life weights cuz it’s dumb and boring” mood… And a “why can other people eat whatever they want and not care” mood. First of all I wanna say I am lucky to have someone who does not allow these moments to last long… He made me get my butt to the gym. While I was running something happened. I started to think about all sorts of reasons that couldn’t quit. I started to talk to myself like a friend and not someone I was trashing for poor decisions. I cut myself a little break and ran a little faster. Something more amazing happened when I got home from the gym… I didn’t eat anything and everything. I ate when I had planned… Well drank a protein shake (trying to work on getting more protein in my diet) and stopped. Wait a second… Stopping is an option. Well yes, yes it is. Must admit I felt pretty proud of me. It’s a daily struggle sometimes. Here are a few of today’s thoughts: I was looking for motivation to get to the gym. I realized that sometimes you just gotta do it. You’re not gonna always wanna do what you know needs to be done. Just do it. Not doing it isn’t an option. Think about how you will feel when you push through. Workouts you don’t wanna do are important. Just put one foot in front of the other. Builds character! You never know who you are inspiring. I know I have talked about this before but I was told by a 12 year old this week that I was more fit than she was. Made me feel good. Makes me feel good when people ask me about weight loss and working out. Meaning… I can’t quit. Gotta keep on keeping on. You have to be the hero in your own life. This journey is all about you. Sure you can have a support system (please do!!) but at the end of the day… No one can do it for you. You control what you eat and how much you move your body. It’s true. Was talking to a coworker about this very thing today. I really love seeing people succeed and as a weight watchers leader it’s kind of a passion of mine. I love it when my friends and family take control of their lives… But I can’t make people make changes. On that note… If you need someone in your support system… You have me!!
Soooo. I should be sleeping but am currently too excited to sleep. Well that might be a little over dramatic… But I do kind of feel like a rock star… So I felt like writing a quick update. As I have previously stated my goal this month is to run 100 miles. Well… I’m proud to say that on the 6th of the month I am at….
Yup. Rocking it! 25 miles in 6 days! And having so much fun doing it. Apparently I needed this challenge. However… My friend Celeste some how conned me into this crazy 2015 in 2015 challenge. Between her and her husband and I we will run a total of 2015 miles this year. Talk about 20-fit-teen! It’s a lot. Like 672 miles per person or something…. But I’m chipping away at it one mile at a time. Will write more about that soon…
In other news I weighed in today… Let’s just say I don’t really wanna talk about it. Lol. I know if I could like…uh… Make good food choices maybe…. It might be better. I’ll figure it out eventually. I tend to go through streaks where my eating is right on… And my activity isn’t. And then it flops. Well…. If I could only do both the eating well and the working out thing at the same time… Wait. I can! And I will… And when I do. I will be unstoppable! It will happen. Not today. I didn’t so much do great today food wise. Gotta get the boredom/ emotional eating under control. Just gotta stop and think before I eat… Which I don’t always do. No worries though… I got this! I’ll be right back to where I wanna be in no time. Meanwhile I am going to keep on running. That is all! Until next time…. Be well!
I have been trying to figure out how to sum up the year that was 2014. And I really haven’t come up with a real good way to do that. The conclusion is… I am one blessed girl. I spent the year surrounded by friends and family who love and support me. Went on some amazing adventures with some pretty amazing people and had a blast doing so. I hit a goal that took me forever to do so. (And I will hit it again… Had a bit too much fun over the holidays). All I can really say is that I am having fun being me. Overall, life in 2014 was a bit roller coaster-y…but that’s life…. Right?!?! Gonna recap the year in a few of my favorite photos….
Lifelight with Rachel, Jen and Hali. This was our adventure at Falls Park!
the fam spent the day at the zoo. I love these people more than they will ever know!
discovered a new love of paddle boarding!!! So freaking fun!
totally crushed my 10k PR!
literally spent the day walking around HILLY Duluth Minnesota!
Welcomed this amazing lady into our crazy family!
Got a little muddy with some dirty girls….
Added to my “bestie” group with the addition of my newest littlest bestie Whitney. Got to spend some time (although never enough) with my Little bestie Brooklynn too. And their mom who has been my bestie the longest. Love them all!
Visited the Big Apple with my sister Jen. This is us in front of the FRIENDS building.
Auntie and Kiersten bonding day at Disney on Ice. So many memories!
I could keep on going. I have a bazzillon pictures…. And so much more. Thanks for taking this little journey down 2014 memory lane. Looking forward to an adventurous fun 20-FIT-teen! Make it a great year!
I can not believe the year is about to be 2015. The time of the year where people start doing the New Years resolutions thing. I tend to be kind of goal oriented it turns out. So I just set goals when I see fit. I will write a blog about the year that was 2014 probably one of these days… But this is about the goal I have set up for January. A friend of mine ran a total of 100 miles in Novemeber… And It got me thinking… I wonder if I could do that. December was out of the question with the holidays and my trip to New York. So I decided I would shot for January. So here is my announcement to the world that I am attempting to run a total of 100 miles in January. I realize it’s only a little over 3 miles a day. No big deal…right?!?! Currently I don’t run everyday. I barely run once a week. Workout… For sure. But not consistent running. This will be a commitment. And a stretch but I am up for the challenge. My friend Celeste made me a calendar to track my mileage. She is awesome. She rocked the challenge… So I’m confident it can be done. I heard someone label this year 20-FIT-teen and I am stealing that! Let’s make this a happy and healthy year! We got this!