Thoughts from my therapy runĀ 

So… 4 days ago I turned 35. Thirty. five. That means I am 5 years into my thirties. Like I’m edging closer to 40 every day. Before I Get to why this is a big deal… I have to show you how I celebrated my birthday  

 A run, a cupcake and some time with the boyfriend. All around a really great day. Anyways.. Moving on… 

Truth of the matter is I think it’s kinda bugging me a little. Making my brain a little foggy and making wearing my “crabby pants” way to easy these days. Sometimes I just stare off into space. Some days the whole “Choosing Joy” thing  just isn’t that easy. However tonight on my run I think I worked some things out. Weird as it sounds I think I’m having a “midlife crisis” if you will. Here’s the deal. Growing up you have this picture of what your life will be when you “grow up”… Right?!? My picture included a house, a husband, twins a dog and a job as a teacher. I even “knew” who this husband was supposed to be for years and years. Of course I was way to young to “know” this.. Not to mention that he was totally wrong for me…but that’s beside the point. Back to the picture… It of course had a deadline. I was thinking 30 would be when this would all fall in place. Ummm.. About that… 

 

Lake George. tonights therapy


 I am 35. I have….an apartment, no husband, no kids, a fat….lazy diabetic cat… And a job as a bill collector. Sometimes it seems like my siblings got everything that I wanted.. You see I am the oldest of 5 kids. One of my sisters has the twins I always wanted (plus another adorable little boy) . One of them is running a daycare (that was actually what I went to college for), my other sister is married and has a dog! and my brother has 2 adorable children. People that I graduated with have teenagers!!!  Those are the facts. My life isn’t what I thought it would be. I am not the person I thought I would “grow up” to be…and everyone “seems” to have what I wanted. Or thought I wanted….. 

Here is the conclusion I came to when I was running tonight. I am freakin blessed. I have a great life and I need to out on my big girl panties and realize  it. Here is the deal. I don’t have a house (I did at one point, that’s another story) …but I love my apartment! I don’t have a husband….but I do have a pretty terrific boyfriend. I do not have any kids… But I do have 4 awesome nephews and one amazing niece. I have a little bestie and a littlest bestie whom I lobe very much. I have the two girls I baby sat for almost their entire lives. I have cousins, and cousins kids and church kids and….. You get the point. God has placed a ton of kids in my life to have influence on. And as far the at the cat thing goes: IMG_3712 

  I kinda like him. I have gotten to travel and see so many things that I never dreamed I would have the opportunity to do!!  And the job thing… Some days a it really sucks. Some days it really stresses me out. Some days it makes me want to start drinking (I don’t drink, never have)… On the other hand some days it’s exciting and fun… And I honestly feel like I am changing people’s lives for the better. And then I realize I can afford things like vacations ( I really like vacation!!) and insulin for my diabetic cat…and shoes, running shoes!! And… Well, you get the point…. because of my job… It makes it not so bad. 

Bottom line from tonight’s 5 mile therapy run was this. No, I am not living the life imagined I would be when I was little. But I have a pretty freaking amazing life. I just needed a little wake up call to realize it. I have people around me who love me (even when I am unlovable) and that is what really matters. Thinking that what God had figured out for My life was a little (okay… Maybe A lOT) better than what I thought. And I may be 35… But I refuse to grow up. Cuz that in an option. I am, and will always be, just a big kid. And I kinda like the person I am becoming. As far as the rest of my life goes…. We shall see. Life is an adventure and I’m excited to see what’s in store. 

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We fall down…

So I had a really interesting run the other day and I learned a few lessons that I figured I should right about. Started with a thought. Let’s try and run this beautiful quarry area by my house and experience the fall colors. Trail run they said… It will be fun they said. Well… Less than a mile in I twisted my ankle pretty good. My thoughts were “ouch, ouch, ouch… And  please don’t hurt… Please don’t hurt…” I had two choices at that moment… Quit or keep going. Well.. I keep going. I figured with the uneven terrain..and well.. Me. Being. Me… I slowed down a tidge. It was absolutely stunning. Weather was beautiful and colors were breath taking.  

Here is the view: 

     At about 1 1/2 miles on my way out of the quarry I had a thought. And it was something I hope I don’t fall down because it would suck to get hurt the day before you leave on a vacation. Before the thought finished being totally formed in my head… That very thing happened. Fell flat on my face. Really glad there was no one around… I’m sure it didn’t look very graceful. I got up… Found my phone that had been launched a few feet away, brushed myself off and again and again I was left with two choices. Quit. Walk home. Quit and call it a day. Or keep putting one foot in front of the other. As I am in the process of making this decision when I get a text from a friend saying that because of me she was choosing Joy despite her current situation. So of course I did the same. I can tell you my five mile run was cut to 3.5. And I did it with a smile. I figured I should be smart and not get home and stretch and heal. I wasn’t hurt bad. I am a little sore today… But not broken. 

Here’s what I learned. Falling down is okay. It happens. It what you do when you fall that builds character. What did we learn from being knocked down. How do we move forward and be stronger because of it? Of course I’m no longer talking about running. Life presents all sorts of opportunity to fall down and stay down. Challenges. Struggles…. Monday’s! Do we let things define us or shape us? 

Challenge yourself. Try something new. Go somewhere you have never been. Get out of your comfort zone. Sure I fell… But I had an experience on that trail and saw things I would have never seen had I stuck to the roads I’m used to. If you want things in life you’ve never had, you have to do things you have never done. Scary. Sure. Might you fail? Yup! But maybe, just maybe you will succeed. How will you know if you don’t try? 

Also there is a choose joy component. Joy is always an option. Is it easy? Nope. Not always. 

Question: what will you do when you fall?