A lot can happen in the blink of an eye. One moment everything seems to be okay and then the next moment your world changes. Takes a turn. A phone call you don’t expect can change everything. It’s been two years since I received a phone call like that. 2 years seems like So long ago and yet just yesterday. Two years ago I lost someone I grew up with and loved like a big sister. and I miss her dearly.
Tonight I honored the anniversary of her passing with a 2 mile run.
As I was running along the river the song “Live like you were dying” came on. It felt like a message straight from Beki. The beauty of dusk reflecting off the river was a reminder to not take a moment for granted. Not take your next breath for granted or the ability to get out and go for a run. To bask in the joy of the little things. To let go of the frustrations of the day (today was a rather trying day with the nephews.) To find the silver lining in things. To look on the bright side and be grateful for the challenges because they make the good things that much sweeter. Without rain there are no rainbows.
Beki was so full of faith and love and generosity and joy that it was contagious. I want to make her proud. I don’t know if she knows how much I looked up to her. I don’t. But I wish I could tell her. I wish I could hear her sing one more time. I wish I could hug her… just one more time. I wish she could meet her amazing niece who is adorable as can be that she never met. I wish she could see her other nieces that are growing up to be amazing, adorable wonderful little people.
But what I really want is her memory to live on. Her legacy to reflect who she was. And I wish in the middle of stressful, frustrating situations I could remember to breathe. Slow down and choose joy. That really life is too short to not to enjoy it.
Miss you like crazy Beki.
Hmmm. Were do I start? Today I had an appointment I was Not looking forward to. AT. ALL. The super fun “girly doctor” appointment as I call it. The OB-Gyn if you will. There are several reasons I don’t so much like this appointment. First of all. It’s just not that comfortable and slightly awkward. Second of all it causes me flash backs. It was a routine physical that found something crazy happening inside of me. A mass on one of my ovaries actually. The doctor at the Mayo Clinic actually called it a “softball sized massed filled with chocolatey goo.” This appointment was 7 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember sitting face to face with probably the most Amazing doctor on the planet and seeing her in tears attempting to explain to a confused 26 year old girl that she might have to have her ovaries removed and might never be able to have kids and/ or might have cancer. I remember getting my mom on the phone and attempting to expat to her what is going on. What I remember most of all is my reaction to Dr. Regan. I wasn’t scared. I did not reach panic mode. I looked her straight in the face and said “I don’t care what it is… My god is bigger than this.” You see… She had a right to be concerned. They run this blood test to see the possibility of cancer in your body. It’s the CA125 test. To be normal the number should be less than 35. Mine was 403!!! I literally left that physical that day with a note to bring to work that said: Tonya may not return to work UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE… That did hit me a little. What do you mean until further notice. However I maintained my God is bigger attitude and did what had to be done. Which was surgery at the mayo clinic less than a week later. Talk about a whirlwind of a time in my life. Spoiler alert: there was no cancer found! They ran pathology when I was in surgery and I was cleared and still have 98% of my ovaries!
What I learned was a lot!
–Freaking out doesn’t help.
–Don’t stop believing.
–Enjoy the moment (we had lots of fun in Rochester despite the reason we were there)
–My family rules!
–attitude is everything!!!!
So…. Every time it go to the clinic for my yearly check up I kinda get a twinge of a “what if” trying to creep in…. Today however was a lot of fun. My new doctor (who is fantastic, but will never live up to doctor Regan… Sorry but it true) is impressed with how healthy I am. She loves how low my heart rate is. And she is inspired by me and my healthy life style (which always makes me smile)… And most importantly she has no concerns about my health! Apparently my healthyish living is paying off. She even said I have abs!! Lol. She was impressed by how strong my abs are. Huh.. Interesting I didn’t know I had abs. Wish I could see them. Lol. Bottom line of all is journey down memory lane. You only get one body and one life; take care of it. It’s worth it. You’re worth it. And God is bigger. That is all! Be blessed.
Attaching a picture from my official medical charts. Just about says it all.