Comparison is the Thief of JOY

This phrase has been rolling around in my head for months. It really hit home a couple of weeks ago when I had to tell myself to “Knock if off” a little bit. So I wanted to share.

The pivotal moment came when I was in California on a run. I was VERY excited to be running in a beautiful place and the weather was PERFECT! It was sunny and warm and my body was actually feeling like I could run without pain (HUGE progress).

So, why did I feel like I was having a panic attack and couldn’t breathe??!?! Let’s break it down.

1. I wasn’t running as fast as I used to be able to run.
2. I couldn’t keep up with the girl I was running with.

bottom line: I was comparing who I currently was to A. Who I used to be be and B. Her.

Neither of those are fair things to compare too. But HOLY CRAP was it hard to tell my brain that. The whole run was a struggle. I was on the brink of tears. I spend most of the time walking and trying to convince myself that it was okay to be ME. Just keep swimming. I kept thinking about how she was just crushing it even though she had giant blisters on her feet. Why can’t I!?? What the heck is your problem Tonya!? Figure it out!

In related news a few days later this:

Popped up on my memories. Let me just tell you… I am NOT who I was 8 years ago. But do you think I spent some time thinking about how I let myself get to this point… and what I should have done different? YEP! Sure did! Do you think I did it in a helpful manner, probably not. That is why I am writing this to help me process it in a hopefully more helpful way. I used to be able to knock out a 5 mile run in 45 minutes. Now its a struggle to push myself to run even a 5k somedays. I am a different person now and you know what.. THATS OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah, running is what got me thinking about it comparison thing and how pretty much everything about that run SUCKED because I let my brain choose how I viewed the run. I chose to focus on what wasn’t there vs. what was.

this was me the day I decided to just run. and Not worry about comparing me to anyone and just do the best I could THAT day. Man, did that feel good!

But then I started thinking about what other areas of my life I let comparison rob some of the Joy.

I am 40 years old. I thought my life would be entirely different by now. I figured I would have a husband and small humans. I am single and have two cats. I thought I would be a kindergarten teacher… or be doing something with small humans… and… I work in a call center. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely blessed and love my life. It is just easy to compare and wish things were different sometimes. This week I spent sometime at the beach. It seems like everywhere I looked there was a happy couple or an adorable little family. I had a little envy for them. And if I let myself feel…. it was a little lonely. I was with people that I love and adore and for that I am grateful. But at the end of the day I still came home to the cats.

Here is what else I know about comparisons. You can’t compare your life to someone elses, for a million different reasons. Here are a few.

• You don’t know what you don’t know
• You are seeing a filtered version of what they want you to see
• You can’t compare your chapter 1 to their chapter 9.

People don’t post the bad moment’s on social media. Kids typically act better for other people than their own parents and you don’t see the screaming matches at bed time. You aren’t going to see the videos of the toddler tantrums. You aren’t seeing the struggles of a marriage. You don’t know what kind of fights there are to get homework done and how much time is spent fighting about phone usage with the preteens. We don’t see how much bribing is done to get kids off video games and do one simple chore. We don’t publish our battles with depression and anxiety. We don’t talk about how our mental health is suffering with everything going on. You literally don’t know what you don’t know. I often think about weight loss because its a personal topic to me. And you truly can NOT compare someone else’s weight loss journey to your own. You don’t know how their body is designed. Heck, maybe they are dealing with an eating disorder.

I think the bottom line is this. This life journey is yours. Embrace it. Include God and His will into your plan. Run your own race. Fight your own battles. But don’t let comparison steal your joy.