Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

I don’t know where to begin this blog. Other than to say my life has recently put me in a position to make some changes that were/ are not fun/ easy or comfortable. Having to be pushed outside of my comfort zone and having to give up things that I love. Having to put my faith in God and believe that everything happens for a reason and when one door closes another one opens. What I have learned is that keeping an open mind is important and it’s how you react to the situation that really decides the outcome.

That being said… today kinda sucked. I had to say good bye to a group of people who have become like family to me. The watched me stumble and trip and babble my way through week after week of weight watchers meetings. They loved me in the beginning when I didn’t have a clue and was a scared frightened girl… And watched me blossom into a… I don’t know really… I still really don’t have a clue… But they still love me. They make me laugh and they inspire me. They keep me real and honest and accountable. They gave me crap about wanting a tattoo…. But we’re excited when I reached the goal (haven’t quite got the tattoo yet… So they may never see it). They mean more to me than they will probably ever know. We took this little meeting and grew it into a stable group of members who love coming. Who hate it when the weather puts a wrench in the meeting. They hold each other accountable and that makes me happy.

These are just some of my people:

This next part is for them:
THANK YOU!
Thank you for being there for me. Being my rock and my support. Making me laugh and understanding that I do not have it all together. We are not perfect….but we are all pretty awesome. It was hard to express this in the meeting…. But it has to be said. Keep being awesome. Your journey is not over. My journey is not over. We must keep on.. Keeping on. No reason to quit. Is the journey long and hard? Yup! Is it worth it!!?!? Absolutely! You just never know who you are inspiring… Just keep being you! And if you EVER.. And I mean EVER need anything… You know how to reach me! Don’t be scared to reach out… We need each other! What was today’s meeting about? Who’s got your back!?! Answer: I do! Sure we stumble and fall… Let’s just not give up. K?!? Keep me posted and I’m excited to be apart of your journey! I love you all! And you will forever be in my heart!

You know even if you were not a part of our fantastic little group… The things above apply. It’s true! Reach out. We are here for each other.

As for me. I don’t know exactly what the future holds… But I know who holds the future.

Thanks for making me feel special…. This week and every week! And don’t forget: MAKE GOOD CHOICES. ( well, most if the time)

Ps. This blog was written entirely while walking on the treadmill. The people in the picture know why. Nobody is perfect… Right?!?! Lol. This is why I love weight watchers… Cuz perfect is NOT required!

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts… Coincidence?!? I think not…

Bored. Hungry. Tired. Stressed. Nervous. Overwhelmed. Free food. Reward. Sad. Lonely. Celebration. Just because.

Those are all reasons I have been known to eat. Oh.. And I suppose I eat because I am hungry too. I guess you can say I am an emotional eater. Why? Because food gets it. Food doesn’t judge and food understands. Oh and it tastes real good too. Is this a healthy habit… Of course not!!! The problems do not go away when the food is gone. The problems remain… And know what else is there?!?! Guilt for making poor choices. Bleh. Can be an endless cycle if you let it. Good news: you don’t have to let it. Food doesn’t control you. You are the boss!!
That’s why I’m blogging about it. So when I am tempted to fall into an emotional eating situation I can be reminded that food really isn’t the answer. Can I promise that it will not happen ever? Nope! Why? Cuz I am not perfect. That’s why. I have over the course of my journey learned to somewhat curb these emotional eating binges. I have learned to stop and ask “is this food really worth it” and have learned to budget my splurges into my life. I have turned to running or working out in stressful times. I rely on friends/ family (my amazing support system) when I’m feeling weak. I do things to keep my hands busy so I’m not tempted to fill my hands with food. I distract myself so I stop thinking about food. I try and deal with the issue rather than mask it with ice cream.
I have a good friend whose relationship with food is purely “food is fuel” and has a “eat to live … rather than a live to eat” mentality. I am not sure I will ever get there. I just like food to much. I have been able to find and maintain a balance…. But it’s still a struggle. A DAILY struggle. However hard it is/ has been to manage emotional eating…it is worth it! Feeling healthy and well is more important than the cupcake I didn’t eat on Monday. I. Gonna leave you with a couple of Pintrest quotes. Love me some Pintrest quotes… Yup. That’s good English 😉

Make it a great day…. And make good choices!!

Let’s get physical

Hmmm. Were do I start? Today I had an appointment I was Not looking forward to. AT. ALL. The super fun “girly doctor” appointment as I call it. The OB-Gyn if you will. There are several reasons I don’t so much like this appointment. First of all. It’s just not that comfortable and slightly awkward. Second of all it causes me flash backs. It was a routine physical that found something crazy happening inside of me. A mass on one of my ovaries actually. The doctor at the Mayo Clinic actually called it a “softball sized massed filled with chocolatey goo.” This appointment was 7 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember sitting face to face with probably the most Amazing doctor on the planet and seeing her in tears attempting to explain to a confused 26 year old girl that she might have to have her ovaries removed and might never be able to have kids and/ or might have cancer. I remember getting my mom on the phone and attempting to expat to her what is going on. What I remember most of all is my reaction to Dr. Regan. I wasn’t scared. I did not reach panic mode. I looked her straight in the face and said “I don’t care what it is… My god is bigger than this.” You see… She had a right to be concerned. They run this blood test to see the possibility of cancer in your body. It’s the CA125 test. To be normal the number should be less than 35. Mine was 403!!! I literally left that physical that day with a note to bring to work that said: Tonya may not return to work UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE… That did hit me a little. What do you mean until further notice. However I maintained my God is bigger attitude and did what had to be done. Which was surgery at the mayo clinic less than a week later. Talk about a whirlwind of a time in my life. Spoiler alert: there was no cancer found! They ran pathology when I was in surgery and I was cleared and still have 98% of my ovaries!

What I learned was a lot!
–Freaking out doesn’t help.
–Don’t stop believing.
–Enjoy the moment (we had lots of fun in Rochester despite the reason we were there)
–My family rules!
–attitude is everything!!!!

So…. Every time it go to the clinic for my yearly check up I kinda get a twinge of a “what if” trying to creep in…. Today however was a lot of fun. My new doctor (who is fantastic, but will never live up to doctor Regan… Sorry but it true) is impressed with how healthy I am. She loves how low my heart rate is. And she is inspired by me and my healthy life style (which always makes me smile)… And most importantly she has no concerns about my health! Apparently my healthyish living is paying off. She even said I have abs!! Lol. She was impressed by how strong my abs are. Huh.. Interesting I didn’t know I had abs. Wish I could see them. Lol. Bottom line of all is journey down memory lane. You only get one body and one life; take care of it. It’s worth it. You’re worth it. And God is bigger. That is all! Be blessed.

Attaching a picture from my official medical charts. Just about says it all.

It’s your choice

I feel like I have to start this blog with a disclaimer. I realize this is easier said than done. Trust me. I am writing this for all of us who struggle. I gotta be real honest. Life has been kinda sucky lately. Causing me lots of stupid stress. I try not to stress out… But it think it’s getting to me. I realize there are things going on that I have zero control over and that being stressed about it doesn’t do any good. However… Sometimes the brain goes crazy. Mine, probably more than some others. I kinda just wanna stay in bed all day… Or hop on the next plane out of this place! However, What I realized it this stress was causing me to be a crank-bucket. I don’t like being cranky. I would rather be happy. Here is what I realized… My crankiness and negativity was rubbing off on those around me. Was infesting my environment. Apologies to those who had to deal with the toxicity of this. The “cove of positivity” is no place for negativity! Today I woke up with a new attitude. I chose JOY. Man oh man did it change my day. Everything went better and the atmosphere seems better around me. Rainbows and sunshine if you will. Maybe your life in not turning out like you thought it would. Maybe you are in a situation that seems bleak and helpless. You can’t always control the circumstances but you can change your attitude about them. I stopped and looked around me at all the reasons I am blessed and quickly realized that my life could be worse… A LOT worse. I am way to blessed to be stressed and I know things will work out in the end. I may not see the plan… But freaking out isn’t going to be helpful. So. I am choosing joy. That being said if you see me not choosing joy… A gentle reminder might be needed. So… Not matter what is going on in your life. Choose joy!

Pintrest find! Figured it was appropriate!

Sometimes you gotta take a moment….

Tuesday mornings are weigh in time in TonyaLand. Confession. I was ANGRY yesterday. Angry at the scale… But more importantly angry are ME. The scale showed an accurate representation of the choices I have been making. When I stepped on it I heard the scale say “Tonya, you can’t out exercise a poor diet” I wanted to keep being angry and beat myself up… But key people in my life basically told me to “Knock it Off” and “pull your head out of your butt”. I just needed to have a moment. A moment to reflect on where I went wrong but also how I can do better in the future. During this reflection I came to the conclusion that my anger stemmed from fear. Fear of getting fat. Fear of being unhealthy and unhappy. Scared because it was just a few weeks off my game and there was that big of a gain. I stumbled upon this quote in my Facebook feed and it hit me at just the right time…

The way I have decided to deal with this…. “Hiccup” in my journey is to acknowledge it happened. Take responsibility and MOVE ON. Don’t worry my friends. I still got this. I got goals to keep hitting. Just one day, week or even month can’t get me down. On that note… I’m going to keep on keeping on. Let’s do it together. If I can do it… So can you! Be healthy and make good choices!

Scrap camp 2015

Just wanted to write a little blog about scrap camp. I get a lot of crap for going on a scrap booking retreat but I don’t care. I love being crafty and putting my bazillions of dollars worth of scrapbook stuff to good use. Here is what happened this weekend however. I failed. In more ways then one. I failed at being prepared and organized. I forgot super important things at home. I failed at making good food choices… My social butterflyism got in the way of even pretending to be productive . I failed at scrap camp. But it just proves a few things. I guess I am a human being… And I am not perfect. The good news is you don’t have to be prefect to have a good time. I slept it. I took naps. I went for a walk one day and a run the next. The good news is that weekends like this don’t define me. I am back on track starting… Well… Let’s be honest… Probably tomorrow. The intention of this weekend was to make scrapbook pages about running… Well I did a few. And I will share them here. Hope you enjoy the digital journey through my lack of scrap camp productivity. Ps. One thing I did NOT fail at was running 100 miles in Janurary. Nailed it! 103.5 miles to be exact! 568.5 miles left to run in 2015. Totally got this! Will keep you posted!

The little pull tab, pulls out my January run calendar. Awesome!

There you have it! That’s pathetic compared to what I know I can do… But it was fun. So that’s a win! Until next time… Make it a great day!