Mirror… Mirror… On the wall….

Question: what do you see when you look in the mirror?!?! Something I have been thinking a lot about lately. I don’t particularly care for them. I used to avoid the weight room at the gym because of mirrors. Why?!?! Well because when I look in the mirror I see me. All my flaws, imperfections, failures, mistakes and short comings. However recently I have tried looking at myself as other people see me. Full of will power and strength. Someone who is strong and has come a long way. I was told recently that I have no body fat. It made me giggle… Because I still have way more than I would like…. However it made me realize that others tend to see the best in us. I still struggle on a regular basis with accepting a compliment. This is an area I need to work on… I know. Here is another thing… Other people tend to believe that we can face temptation and overcome it victoriously! Why don’t we look at ourselves with love and kindness!?! Talk to ourselves like we would talk to a friend? Build ourselves up… Instead of tear ourselves down?!?! Negative self talk… And not loving ourselves isn’t helpful. You are worth loving. I am worth it. There I said it 😉 let’s not be our biggest obstacle… And a wise friend told me the other day to “not best myself up because life can do that on its own… It doesn’t need help.” Stay strong.., stay the course and make good choices. And let’s work on loving what we see in the mirror!


Ps. Happy Halloween! This is just how cool I am… Gotta love a day when you can rock a tutu!

I am sure I have more to say but I might be on a sugar high (oops, about those good choices) ….And I might be slightly ADHD 😉

A note to my chubby self

With the recent milestone accomplishment earlier this week it has got me thinking. I conjured up a few things i would like my 221 pound self to know.
So… Here it is.

Dear Chubby Tonya,
You are about to embark on a fabulous journey. Enjoy it. It will not be easy! You will experience much difficulty… But it will be worth it. You will think about quitting a time or two or millions… But DON’T. You are worth the work it will take to get where you are going. I know you won’t believe this but you are going to do things you currently can not fathom. Don’t be scared to try them, or you will miss out! Your worth is not in what size pants you are. Currently you shop in the mens department because the 17/18 women’s pants just don’t quiet fit right. Someday you will be in a size 3/4 (and you will have to wear a belt), and be able to buy sweatshirts in the youth department..you don’t believe me. It’s true. But pants size really doesn’t matter. It is not about be skinny but this is about being healthy and finding the you that you are meant to be. You will inspire people along the way! You will come out of your quiet shy shell and won’t be able to shut up. You will literally be a whole new person in more ways than one. This will take a LOT longer than you think it should… But you know what?!?! Time is gonna pass anyways… Do something with it. You will eventually lose 81 lbs. It’s not going to happen overnight, don’t expect it to. You didn’t wake up one day chubby. Keep moving forward. You will become a runner. I will pause while you laugh…. But it’s true. And you will go crazy when you can’t run. And when You hit that ultimate goal. . .make a new one. You can not keep peanut butter in the house, don’t lie to yourself and think you can handle it. You can’t. This is a journey, a lifestyle…. Enjoy it! Make good choices. Set small goals and celebrate the when you reach them. Believe in yourself and do put be afraid to ask for help…. You need other people around you. You want to seclude yourself….but that doesn’t work. Embrace the journey to a new you.

Your Future Self.



Shout out to my friend Celeste who send me this photo she found online. Fits my journey perfectly. LOVE IT!


Is this just a dream?!!?

Gonna start this thing off with the truth. This could get lengthy. Something happened today that I thought might never happen….. at a time I was least expecting it. I wrote two weeks ago about sabotaging myself and how I seem to fall short of my dreams by my own undoing. Well…. Something musta hit home… Here is how the story unfolds.

6:30am Alarm goes off. Tonya thinks “oh crap Tuesday morning weigh in” and then quickly replays the last week of food choices.
6:45ish. Getting ready to shower… Hop on the scale it’s shows I nearly hit my ULTIMATE weight goal. I do not believe it!
30 seconds later… I took off my shirt… Stepped back on the scale… And bam! There it is! But wait… Am I dreaming?!?! Rub the sleep from my eyes….Grab my phone and step on again… Got a picture. Not a dream! Goal weight was 140….


I’m gonna be real honest… As much as I know in my head “the number doesn’t matter and I am just trying to be fit and healthy” this was a HUGE deal for me! Had people ask me at work hey the heck I was so happy. Apparently I don’t hide my emotions real well. But today I Did not care! I felt like I could explode with excitement!

What does this all mean!?!? Well… Now I have to figure out who is going to draw my tattoo, who is going to tattoo it and where am I gonna put it?!?!
Oh.. And in case you don’t know the origin behind this SOON coming tattoo… And because I just like to tell the story when I get a chance…. Here it is. A couple years ago I was trying to figure out a way to commemorate my weight loss journey. I couldn’t think of a better representation in the world than a butterfly. The transformation from a caterpillar to a butterfly is dramatic. I feel like I am longer the chubby girl who’s weight held her back from trying to do things. And even further a butterfly simply can not return to the state of a caterpillar… As the tattoo will serve as a reminder that I too can not return to the unhealthy being I once was. Also… My middle name means butterfly. So that works too.
And there is a verse in the bible …… 2 Corinthians 5:17 that says : Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! That symbolizes new life as well. I am Also a tidge obsessed with the color orange… So it shall be monarch-ish as well. Another super spiffy thing is that I can now say I have officially lost 81 lbs!!! And I was born in 1981! Check that out! I want it to not only remind me but to use as a tool to inspire others.

So there you have it! This day is best day ever material in TonyaLand!

Was talking to my mom about it and she referenced the Sabotage blog. Saying that apparently I had to let a few things go (maybe I didn’t even realize I was hanging onto) to be able to breakthrough… Well there has been a breakthrough people! And I could not be happier! This, however is not the end. Time to find new challenges and make new goals. Enjoy the journey of the butterfly… Never to be a caterpillar again! Until next time. Make good choices… And remember: you got this!

Today I am feeling…. List-y (yep, I know it’s not a word)

There are a few things I have learned over this journey of losing weight and I am going to tell you a few now:

1. There is no short cut. No quick fix. Lifestyle change is required!
2. not gonna tell you it’s easy… But totally worth it.
3. I know for me it’s a daily thing. To make good choices. It’s a battle. Sometimes I win… Sometimes I lose. My goal is to win more days than I lose.
4. It’s really easy to compare yourself to others: DON’T!
5. Believe in yourself… When no one else does… And lean on others when you need.
6. Don’t go it alone… Find someone… A group, a friend… Someone.. Who can be there for you
7. Don’t quit. Ever. Not an option. Sure.. You may fall off track. Get back on. End of story. No excuses
8. What works for someone else… May not work for you. Figure out what works for you and… DO IT!
9. It really is all about the little things. One day (or meal or snack) at a time.
10. Giving up the negative self talk is key! This I know… But still struggle with. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend… Beating yourself up has zero value. Don’t do it. (Yes… This one is specifically written for me)
11. Create an environment that sets yourself up for success. Get rid of the peanut butter… Ice cream and little Debbie’s (oops, that’s for me again). You simply can’t eat what’s not in the house!
12. Prioritize yourself… You are worth it. And it’s doable!
13. Set goals. Make them realistic and attainable.
14. Move your body 😉 working out has been key to my success. Start somewhere. Do something. Just move! Find something you enjoy and run with it… Hehe. Maybe not literally run. Or maybe! If you need help with I can help!
15. Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels. (K. That’s probably a lie) but think about it. Is it worth it?!?!
16. For me… Moderation is key! Sure I can have pizza… Just it all the time.
17. Planning ahead has also saved me from making lots of bad choices… Sometimes I just need to remember that!
18. Strive for progress… Not perfection.
19. I know for me, I didn’t get over weight overnight… So I don’t know why I expected to lose it overnight. It is an epic journey. Embrace it!

Well I could go on… But my plasma donation Is over. Some things for you to think about! Make it a great day and make good choices!

Sabatage? Not this time!

Okay… so something has been bugging me for a long time. It’s time to come clean and get this off my chest. Here is where my frustration begins. This time last year I was 3 lbs. away from my tattoo weight. How do I know this? Well I remember being at a Halloween party and to avoid indulging on too much temptation I literally wrote the number 3 on my wrist to make me stop and ask myself “is it worth it” before I made a poor food choice. Of course it didn’t stop me from completely…but I think it helped. Anyways. Fast forward to today. I am… you guessed it 3 lbs. away from my tattoo weight. Frustrated? YUP… just a little.

Here is what tends to happen to me when I come to points in my journey like this. I quit. I get frustrated. I figure why bother? I tend to fall into a trap where I sabotage myself and start falling back into old habits and stop caring. WHY?!?! This is what I have been pondering/ obsessing about recently. I recently recalled an experience at work when my supervisor told me that I was scared of success… I thought that was the craziest thing I ever heard. He said I just do enough to get by…but don’t challenge myself above and beyond. I never thought about that. Wondering if it’s the same with this weight loss journey I am on. I don’t know why I would be scared to succeed at something I have worked so hard to get to…. and something I want soooo bad. I guess it is possible that I am scared that once I hit the tattoo weight I won’t have anything to strive for. I suppose it could be that I am scared that I would have the tendency to slack off and undo all the years of hard work that I put in to become the butterfly I am meant to be…. However… I have learned so many things the past years about who I am and I know me better that than. Certainly I have days/weeks…okay sometimes months…where my head isn’t in the game. I am not perfect. I complain/ make excuses about going to the gym. I make poor food choices. I emotionally eat sometimes. But I like the new me WAY better than the old me. I like the things my new body can do. I like way my clothes fit. So I shouldn’t be worried about those things. I got this. The goal weight isn’t the end. It is just a marker of things to come. The butterfly part of the journey. No more caterpillar.

I know for a lot of people they may say “it’s only 3 lbs” it should not be that hard. I wish that were true. For me it has been. I know I don’t have a perfect diet. I know I could workout out harder/ smarter. Here is what else I know. I am an entire pants size smaller than I was one year ago. All my running and weight training has transformed my body…and the scale just doesn’t recognize it like I would like it to sometimes. I can run faster than I used to. I can do more at the gym than I used to. It is just hard sometimes to recognize these things. I say these things as a reminder to me…as well to encourage you to do the same. The scale isn’t the end all and be all form of measuring success.

So here are a few things I have decided. 1. I got this. 2. quitting is not an option. 3. going to stop making excuses and suck it up. 4. going to focus on enjoying the journey.

I will continue to blog about my progress. Sorry if I rambled a bit….it’s kinda what I do. Thanks for reading this. Make it a great week…and “make good choices”

Just a thought…..

Sometimes someone can say one simple thing and it kinda rocks your world…. This happened to me on Saturday and the “someone” was my four year old niece.


I said something along the lines of “Kiersten, Auntie loves you” expecting an “I love you too, Auntie” but instead I hear her go “I love me too.” At first I was like… Hey! What about me??!? And then it hit me… This kid is onto something… I told her that she should love herself. What’s not to love!?! I went on to tell her why that was awesome that she loved herself. Hours later I thought about that moment again…. Wondering why it can be harder as adults to love ourselves. Not giving ourselves credit for things we should… Beating ourselves up over things we can’t change… Living in the past… Not having hope for the future… Those types of things. I think if we treated ourselves with love… We just might have a different approach at life. Just a thought. Triggered by my brilliant, beautiful, spunky, 4 year old niece.