Transformation Challenge

Okay. So I did a thing. I signed up at my gym for a transformation challenge. I am posting this for accountability. Because I have been too far off track for too long. I need you people to know I am embarking on a journey. Soooo.. Yeah.

But I kinda started thinking about my weight loss journey so far. It started what feels like a bajillion years ago. I joined Weight watchers in 2004 I think for the first time. Weighing my heaviest at 220 lbs. I Went on over the course of like 15 years to lose and maintain like 80ish lbs or so. Sometimes gaining and losing it again. The past couple of years have taken a toll on this ole body. Old habits, old mindsets, bad routines have snuck in… leading to an extra 40 lbs. So that’s fun. Here is the cool part though. I have lost it before so I can do it again. Also was talking to a friend last night on her own journey and she said she was doing it “because she loved her body, not because she hates it.”

So… instead of beating myself up like in the past… I’m going to look at myself in the mirror and say, “hey girl, YOU GOT THIS” “You are stronger than you think you are”

The number on the scale doesn’t define you… its what you do next.

I do feel like I have written this very same blog before… but sometimes we need to tell ourselves things more than once. We Need to be our own cheerleaders and hype man.

My cats don’t really care what Is going on in my life… so I need to tell someone. Even if its just random strangers on the internet.

SO the journey continues. And we are NOT calling this a failure. its just a scenic route. I did tell someone recently that I am going to be a gym rat this year. And well with two gym memberships and a treadmill in my house, I have no reason not to be. I am not going to go crazy. Don’t worry… Im going to listen to my body… but you watch and see.. the transformation is underway!

to be continued:

Dear Dave,

{So I have been feeling like I need to blog more. But I am not really sure what to say or where to start… So i think I am going to do the only thing that makes sense which is write a letter to Dave. So… Here goes}

Dear Dave,

Guess what… I still miss you! I just wanted to take a moment to talk to you about a few things. I actually think you would be super proud of me. I have undertaken some of the house projects we had started on. and then I got overwhelmed and quit for awhile (I KNOW that doesn’t surprise you). However… we are back to taking steps to get most of it wrapped up. I am pretty confident that you would absolutely love it. We are taking some massive steps to complete some of it coming up. So stay tuned. I also should fill you in on some of the other things I have going on. I am on a journey of improving our mental health. oh, Yeah, I should tell you about that.

So…. remember how you told me that… ummm.. I may or may not be a touch ADHD. You know how you would tell me I was in denial… and then Constantly point out how my “quirks” were literal symptoms that my brain worked different. Guess who went and got an official diagnosis after YEARS of you telling her to? Me. yup. Guess you were right all along. (Again, I know you aren’t surprised). It took me a long time to even find the benefit of doing the testing. But after all the conversations we have had…. I figured it was time to figure out how my brain functions so I can actually work WITH my brain instead of fighting it. So its been fun trying to recognize patterns and try and trying to find ways to maximize my ADHD superpowers. Also was thinking about this today actually as I grabbed a hair tie from my car to bring into church with me…. because you ALWAYS had a hair tie in your car for me. PS. I didn’t even realize that I fidgeted like that until you pointed it out. That thing saved me on many a trip to Duluth! So anyway yeah.. i guess I have a neurodivergent brain. Oh, and guess what else I have… Anxiety and depression. Oh and probably a little PTSD (but that one I am blaming on you for dying on me). But we are working through stuff. This whole blog writing thing actually helps me deal with a lot of this. YOU always said it did… man, i should have listened to you more. You literally were the smarted guy I ever met. Tallest too… but Carter is catching up! Seriously Dave… kid is like over 6 feet, and he is 14. Man, I wish you could see them now. ALL of them. They are growing into amazing human beings. (probably a story for another blog). Anyway, back to you being proud of me. I think if you knew my goals and what I have done… you would be happy… I just wish you were here to share in the joy.

I had to join a new gym cuz you aren’t here to kick my butt at the gym. Remember when you would walk past and just make the treadmill go a little faster. Nobody cared about my fitness goals like you did. You would drag me to the gym kicking and screaming… I hated it then, but miss it now. In full transparency the last few years have been real hard to stay on a good fitness path. Between 2020… and then well 2021 was worse. and then things started tasting terrible except like SWEET things… so that didn’t help. And then I got injured and just kinda lost my way. I didn’t know who I was or what I was after. Trust me it showed up in my clothes. Recently I decided to take charge of that again. Cuz I KNOW me being physically in a good place has a DIRECT impact on my mental health. And we KNOW how hard winter is on this girl. I hate when I don’t see the sun for days and weeks on end and the air hurts my face. I don’t have you hear to whisk me away to Mexico… therefore, I joined a gym to kick my butt. I should send you the bill cuz its your fault I am there 😉 JK. but I think you would be proud that I am pushing myself and feeling good about it. Also not pushing too hard cuz I am trying to listen to my body. Also eating more protein even though it tastes gross. PS. I really should have had you teach me how to make omelets… cuz you made them the best. I took that for granted. I took a LOT of things for granted.

Oh, guess what else?!?!? This girl of yours has become a little book worm. Or a book dragon maybe (I guess that is what we call someone who buys a lot of books, YOU were for SURE a book dragon). Anyway… I have started setting myself a yearly reading goal and getting after it. This year trying to diversify a little more and not read as many books where they fall in love in chapter three. Some sort of drama happens that rips them apart… and then they are back in love by the time the book ends. Still cool though, right?!? I know its NOTHING compared to how much you read… but I know you would be supportive, nonetheless.

what else should I tell you?!?! Oh these two cats that you would love but never got to meet…. have put me through the ringer. Its like having freaking toddlers, but I love every (MOSTLY every) minute with them. However, I think miss Maizy has anxiety. Remember that thing we had for Colby, I bought one for her. Hoping it helps. PS she might just outweigh Fat cat, if you believe that. Speaking of him I will NEVER forget the bond you two had. Melted my whole heart. I miss you both so much.

I think that feels rambly enough for one day. I’m thinking this will help my mental health journey. Oh and maybe a trip to the beach.

oh. one more thing… my Packers were off to a rocky start this year so I was rooting for your team. They were doing really well in the beginning and then they just fell apart. My team barely made it into the playoffs but they did…you would be happy though cuz the Packers just totally crushed the cowboys… you would have LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!! I am sure you are concerned about football in afterlife 😉 man, I miss you. It was good to write to you. Super therapeutic… could you remind me to do it more often… that whole ADHD thing… I forget to do things that are good for me. Like drink water and ummm yeah basic human things sometimes. but you already knew that. Oh speaking of that… part of the reason I never used to read was it was hard for me to sit still. (THAT falls in DUH news category I know).. but anyway I figured out if I walk and read at the same time it actually SLOWS my brain down enough to focus on the reading. Thats what the therapist lady said. She said my brain processes WAY faster than a normal functioning human brain. She told me the number, but I don’t remember. Oh yeah, she also diagnosed me with a math learning disability. Wouldn’t have THAT been helpful in 3rd grade. Funny story though. she said to me something like “probably just don’t work with numbers” HAHAHA okay Lady, that IS my job. She also told me to get my eyes checked when I asked her about dyslexia. she thinks my eyes are out of alignment or something ( i stopped listening)

Okay, I should get one with my day. I am done sitting still for awhile.

Miss you always

Love you More.