Time is a crazy thing. It seems the last two years has been the LONGEST and shortest years ever. SO much is different. EVERYTHING is different.
The two-year anniversary of Dave’s passing was this week. So, I have been thinking about a lot of things. I have been trying to stop my brain from replaying every moment of that day. From the moment I opened my eyes in the morning, the 7 miles I ran that day… (I can even tell you what I was thinking about on that run), to the moment I found him unresponsive. To the phone call to 911, and the heart wrenching phone calls I had to make after that. The pit in my stomach that lasted for days and weeks. I would count the hours/ days/ weeks and months since he had been gone. Seriously I remember thinking, it’s been an hour, 5 hours, 12 hours, 24 hours…48, 72 hours. In utter shock and disbelief. Weeks were hard, every Saturday I would calculate how many Saturdays since he had been gone. I wouldn’t let myself be home at 4:00 on Saturday’s because that was a trigger for me. I would count each month as it passed. I knew someday I would stop counting, but it took a long time for me to move out of that phase and that’s okay.
This Bible verse has been in my head.
How do I make my days Count when I am here just like I counted the days since he has been gone?
This year on the anniversary instead of replaying the events of March 7th 2020 over in my head I tried to Focus on the gratitude and the lessons I have learned the last two years. The love I have felt. and the Memories I have made. To the people who were there to pick me up and carry me through.
Just thinking about how precious and short life is. How we really never know when our last day will be, so we need to make our days count. God only knows how many days we have.
I can promise you that Dave thought he would be around on March 7th, 2020. We had plans! We had lots of plans actually. He didn’t think that would be the day he took his last breath. I also can tell you that had I known, I would have hugged him a little tighter. Told him I loved him one more time. Listen to him talk a little bit longer. I miss his voice.
The other thing that I keep thinking about is what I miss the most, the reality is, It’s the little stuff. The things that were just who he was. Small little gestures that reminded me that he was thinking about and that he loved me. Don’t despise the small things. Those little things make the biggest difference. With your family, with your kids… With your job.
Here are a few more things I’ve learned through grief, heartache and well the world turning upside down the last 2 years.
- So many things are outside of our control. All we can do is choose how we respond.
- Life can change in an instant
- Take nothing for granted
- I used to HATE hugs… but when hugging isn’t an option. It became something I craved.
- There are a million ways to waste time.
- I actually really like reading a lot.
- God is in control, and He has a plan. EVEN if I don’t “get it” or… life it. He knows what He is doing.
- after you go through something tragic, take some time to find yourself.
- it’s possible to hold JOY and sadness at the same time.
- your journey is NOT the same as someone else’s.
- everyone is fighting a battle…. so just be kind.
- it’s okay to not be okay. and it’s one THOUSAND percent okay to ask for help
- sometimes success is taking a shower.
- Life is tough, but so are YOU!
- They say God doesn’t give you more than YOU can handle, I am staring to think God doesn’t give you more than HE can handle.
- You just never know who is watching you and who you might inspire.
- Grief calories don’t count. Okay, I just wish that one were true. Cupcakes and cookie dough really got me through a few rough patches.
And this song has been playing nonstop in my head as well.
I’ll post the lyrics here.
Blink
Teach me to number my days
And count every moment
Before it slips away
Take in all the colors
Before they fade to grey
I don’t want to miss
Even just a second
More of this
It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life?
It happens in a blink
It happens in a blink
When it’s all said and done
No one remembers
How far we have run
The only thing that matters
Is how we have loved
I don’t want to miss
Even just a second
More of this
It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life?
It happens in a blink
It happens in a blink
It happens in a blink
It happens in a blink
Slow down
Slow down
Before today becomes
Our yesterday
Slow down
Slow down
Before you turn around and
Its too late
It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life?
It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there’s no stopping time
What is it I’ve done with my life?
It happens in a blink
It happens in a blink
It happens in a blink
It happens in a blink
All that to say this. We are given one life. Embrace it. Love like crazy. Create magic. Hug tighter. Smile, laugh. Enjoy the little things. Don’t worry so much, God knows what he is doing (I’m still working on that one).
okay. that’s all for now….
butterflyification 